By DAVE KIFFER
October 19, 2009
Director of External Relations, Sarah Palin Inc.
Dear Valued Colleagues in the Media,
It has come to our attention that the Media has been focused like a 30.06, moose eye splitting bullet on the upcoming publication of Sarah Palin's memoir ( "Going Rogue" at a bookstore near you on November 17!!!!!!).
For that we are thankful.
Even though former Governor Palin is clearly the most admired politician in American history, we certainly appreciate your efforts in the media to keep her name front and center.
We also appreciate your efforts to keep stories about the Palin "family" to a minimum.
Perhaps you could extend the "family" status to certain hockey playing, Playgirl posing, pistachio plugging, running off at the mouthing, low life?
Heckfire, we almost did.
Boy, that sure was a close one!
I think we can all agree that we have certainly heard enough of him, right?
At least you could avoid any "See What Made Bristol (Palin) Bay" headlines?
Well, you can't fault a girl for trying, you betcha!
Anyhoo, we are thrilled that you have helped us create the largest pre-pub press run since Jesus published the Book of Mark. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
But we have also noticed a somewhat disheartening trend in your recent media coverage.
Somewhere, somehow, someone in that big old media cabal has gotten the wrong impression about the word "rogue."
We have seen quite a few articles and blogs and blogs about articles and articles about blogs and even twitters about articles and blogs in which Sarah Palin has been called "to task" for using the word 'rogue.'
There have even been quite a few of you Eastern Liberal Elites who seem to think that being 'rogue' might actually not be a good thing.
Some folks in the media, those Fourth Estate folks that do all that stuff and twist words and all that, are trying to twist around the meaning on one of the great words of our great country. A word that all Americans, especially the real ones, know and love and use all the time in a very positive, energizing the base manner.
They - the Not Real Americans in the Media - say that 'rogue' means someone who is "dishonest."
They say that 'rogue' means "deceitful."
They say that 'going rogue' is a bad thing.
Well, we say them to 'Au Contrary' to you too!
What the heck kind of a mavericky thing is that? I mean, just what sort of verbiage is it that you are using here?
Everyone knows that going rogue is a good thing.
It shows a desire to do what it is right.
It shows a strength of characterism.
It shows that we in America are strong. That we are Pro-American Americans. That we are not socialists. That we can produce our birth certificates!
We don't mean to be Peevie-Levi's here. Finding faulty things where there is only goodness and the Constitution.
We really want to take the high road here, being positive and all that, unifying and bringing truth to all the good people and to the rest of America.
But sometimes you just have to do the 'rogue' thing and stand up for what is right.
You have to stand up to the untrenched interests and the powers that be even if they say hurtful things about you, even if they are true, which they aren't, although sometimes, you know, the truth, um, is something that you read about, even when you say thanks but no thanks to Congress, um, when you are on a bridge to nowhere and you've reading like absolutely all the newspapers and books, um, all of them, the ones that have been put in front of you all these years like that real American magazine the Economist, you know, and because in the history of this great country, this country that I love, this country only the not real Americans don't love, you know that every time that Putin rears his head, um, where's he gonna go, Alaska!
So, we'd appreciate it if you would get your facts straight on the word 'rogue' and stop being so twit picky on every little thing. You guys are worse than the skeeters on Lake Lucille.
We look forward to seeing you all again, on Nov. 17, 2009 when all Americans - yes, even the non real ones - will be "going rogue."
And thank you, and thank John McCain, for making this all possible.
On the Web:
Contact Dave at firstname.lastname@example.org
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