Column - Commentary
The Rise and Fall of Homo Ad HominumBy DAVE KIFFER
September 12, 2020
Okay, okay, I spend the vast sum of my time on Social Media.
No, not Tweeter or Bumblr or Crapchat, mostly the Book of Face. First thing each morning (well second, after the "constitutional") I log on. Last thing at night (after the constitutional, my day has multiple constitutionals, I am old) I log off.
Well, technically, I fall asleep with my IPad on my chest. And the device logs off on its own. Sort of. Actually, I checked its browsing history one day and noted that my IPad usually logs on to a site called "Sexy CPU's of China" for a couple of hours after I doze off, but I don't mean to pry).
Anyway, I "spend" most of my time (which explains why I am broke) on Social Media.
This is despite the fact that the average person on the Book of Face seems to be 150 years old and really angry (you'd be angry too if you just dropped your "large print" Go Phone into your Depends).
So much anger out there. Anger about politics, anger about religion. Anger about the weather, anger about the use of Nutella and Miracle Whip.
People even get angry about the number of cute kitten and puppy memes.
No, I just made that up.
No one gets angry about the number of puppy and kitten memes, Post more. Please!!!! Really.
Next time you think a good thought or a bad thought about the President, just post a cute puppy or kitty meme. Otherwise, I swear, I will finally unfriend you. And I mean it this time!!!
See, even I am "swearing" over the level of anger on Social Media.
Some days it seems like "they" should just call the whole thing Anti-Social Media and be done with it.
Speaking of which, who the heck is "they" anyway? Everything is something "they" are saying or doing.
I think "they" is some horrible combination of "Antifa" and "Q."
But I digress.
I have been thinking about the level of anger on Social Media lately. Even without TAPPING IN ALL CAPS, it seems that everyone is pissed off or cheesed off or just plain "OFF" these days.
It's almost as if we are evolving into a whole new species of angry humans. The whole point of Social Media in the year 2020 is to get online and to call into question the parentage of everyone else online. It's not about countering their arguments. It's more about ranting and raving about what sub-humans they are. We have become a world full of people whose sole purpose is to raise themselves up by putting everyone else down. And these folks wonder why they are forced to sit home and SCREAM on the internet all the time because they can't get dates. Talk about a whole generation of evolutionary dead ends.
Speaking of which, could this be one of those rare - every 500,000 years or so - changes in the human race? Half a millenia from now, could an anthropologist (as opposed to a current era anthro-apologist) look back and wonder - at just what point did Homo Sapien evolve into Homo Ad Hominum - popularly known to the future as "Belligerent Man?"
It is the process, after all.
At one point, we were "Home Erectus."
Then we were " Homo Habilis"
For the last, 300,000 years or so we have been " Homo Sapiens." Homo Sapien is, basically, Latin for: "Wise Man."
Speaking of which, why do we use a dead language to describe thing?? That's what someone called "Latin" in a Facebook post the other day, so it must be true! I bet that tomorrow morning when 1.92 million Latvians wake up they are going to be shocked, shocked, shocked to find out their language is deader than Homo Ad Hominum's soul, I tell you!!!
But I digress, AGAIN!!!!
Anyway, can we truly look at Social Media and declare modern humans as "Wise Man?" I think not.
We have clearly moved past the era of "Burning Man" into the era of "Burning Mad Man."
And to make it worse, EVERYONE has access to the internet and therefore everyone can make sure that everyone else knows just how angry they are.
To misquote Howard Beale: I AM MAD AS HELL AND THE REST OF YOU ARE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO TAKE IT.
At least until someone in a place of high authority decides to no longer "TAKE IT" and hits the self-destruct button.
No, not the nuclear annihilation button. Something much worse.
The great big electro-magnetic pulse button that wipes out everything electrical. Which in our modern Social Media world means all "life" as we know it is OVER!!!
In fact, as I type this, someone (probably in Latvia) is working on what is called a HEMP, a high altitude electro magnetic pulse weapon, that will pretty much end Tweeter, Bumblr and Crapchat for all time. It will even consign the Book of Face to the dusty shelves of history.
(Ha, ha, a giant HEMP button. Dude, that it just too awesome!!)
Can you imagine the horror that will overtake society when angry people can no longer post their anger?? They will simply explode into a million little shards of frustration and be wiped away into the gallactic cosmos and, one hopes, sucked into the great black holes that their hearts have become thanks to (not so) Social Media.
And when that happens, it will be up to the replacement for Homo Ad Hominum - probably called Homo Placidus - to rise up and repopulate the world, most likely with memes about unicorns and cute pets.
I, for one, welcome that.
Even though I WON'T BE AROUND to see it.
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Contact Dave at email@example.com
Dave Kiffer is a freelance
writer living in Ketchikan, Alaska.