Turkey Holocaust Day, 2011
November 18, 2011
Doubly comforting because this particular holiday isn't about greasing the wheels of capitalism with the fire-hose of consumer debt like that other holiday about a month down the road, which shall remain nameless. And this one doesn't hide under any religious robes either. It's purely about the journey to Comfort City through the Gluttonous Woods. Food, family, friends and football. Four of the five F's.
Barack Obama. Because no matter what you think of his policies, you got to admire his ability not to get involved in them.
Dick Cheney. Six heart attacks and the man still manages to go on a book tour. How does a guy without a heart have six heart attacks? It would be like Rick Perry contracting a brain tumor.
Rick Perry suffered a 53-second brain freeze during a national debate. Fifty-three seconds. It only took the San Francisco 49ers eight seconds longer to score two touchdowns last Sunday. The Niners!
Former Democratic New York Congressman Anthony Weiner, who escaped the press by entering sexual rehab. "I'm a sexual addict." Yeah. There's another name for that. We call it -- Male. The man is simply suffering from a not-so-atypical case of Y chromosome poisoning.
Herman Cain, whose long-form, cross-country Fox News audition has exceeded all expectations. Roger Ailes must be so proud.
The Occupy Wall Streeters. The "1%" dismiss the Occupiers due to questionable hygiene. Just because you smell odd doesn't mean your message is any less true. The fact they can't afford Chanel No. 5 may be part of the point.
Bill Clinton, who refuses to go away. God bless him. Although, President Obama might harbor another opinion.
Michele Bachmann. Her Newsweek cover photo made her look spooky, so supporters complained they cherry-picked a creepy-looking photo on purpose. Then the magazine put the entire photo shoot up online, asking, "Which one would you have picked?" And everybody shut up.
Avoiding the Cut
The entire GOP, which is waging an internal war for its very soul. The GOP Soul. Short book. Put it on the shelf right next to Great Democratic Leadership Battles.
Sarah Palin. Who refuses to go away. God bless her. Although, Mitt Romney might harbor another opinion. Or two. Diametrically opposed to each other.
Pat Robertson, who called the Republican presidential field too extreme. Pat Robertson blasting his party for extremism. That's like having your drug intervention hosted by Lindsay Lohan. And Charley Sheen is driving the van.
You can't make stuff up like this. See, I'm telling you. Life is good. Thankfully yours.
Copyright ©2011, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.