The Gropage Report
By WILL DURST
October 18, 2016
This election has escalated way past PG-13, quickly hurdling both R and NC-17, and leaping into "Hands Over Your Ears Singing the La-La-La-La-La-La-La, I Can't Hear You" song. Concerned parents are even encouraging their kids to play violent video games rather than watch the news. "Smoke more dope."
Every time we think this election has sunk to a new low, the aerodynamically coiffed real estate mogul manages to dig another sub-basement. It's like he's trying to tunnel his way to China (or as he says it, JI-NA).
Trump's Hillary Clinton Accusers
The King of White Males relentlessly intones that nobody respects women more than he, but many members of the female population question whether being grabbed by their private parts is really the best way of proving it. Many members.
Before the video surfaced, expectations for Trump in the second presidential debate were so low he could have been declared the winner simply by refraining from throwing his own slime at Anderson Cooper.
But during the face-to-face fracas, Trump shrugged off his profane slurs as mere locker room banter, saying he was guilty of words not actions,then over-elaborated until he seemed to imply the reason he brags about grabbing women by the crotch is because of ISIS. Wow, they really are bad guys.
Wizard of Oz Media & Hillary Clinton
Unfortunately the numbers started growing as women come forward daily with further sordid Trumpian escapades. Fifteen separate allegations have been chronicled thus far. It's gotten to where you can almost hear Bill Cosby turn to Camille and say, "Well hell, they can't all be lying."
In the 1980s, one woman who got bumped up to first class then groped by Trump voluntarily went back to coach. As any traveler can tell you, that's nuclear disgust. Hopefully she ate first. Trump's defense against a couple of the accusations is that the women were too ugly for him to molest, a classic case of defeating your purpose.
One major takeaway from this two-way, slime-slinging fest is that America is destined to place a serial groper and chronic sexual assaulter in the White House. Just depends on where you want him: upstairs puttering around the private residences [Bill] or behind the desk in the Oval Office [Donald].
Copyright 2016, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate. Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and margarine smuggler. For sample videos and a calendar of personal appearances including the 23rd annual Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show, December 26- January 3, go to willdurst.com.
The New York Times says Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today."
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