Hard to Believe It's Come Down to Hillary or Trump
By WILL DURST
June 16, 2016
First, everyone is talking about New York values. Then, low-energy debaters. Violent rallies. Domestic terrorists. KKK endorsements. Rigged rules. Palace coups. Naked wives. Tiny hands. Pope bashing. Lucifer comparing. Internecine warfare between orange people.
Clinton and Trump Insults
A legitimate third party candidacy hasn't afflicted a US election since 2000, but this time around, faced with two candidates less popular than acid rain at a paper mache sculpture garden, the fear is the populace could easily slide over to vote for less polarizing figures. And right now, an eighteen-foot alligator with irritable bowel syndrome would be less polarizing than the Donald or the Hillary.
It's too late to get on the Texas ballot for independent runs, and other state deadlines are approaching fast, so prospective 2016 aspirants need to get their proverbial poop together. The blueprint for chaos is waiting to be writ.
The Libertarian Party is close to being on the ballot in all 50 states and has already chosen their candidate- former Republican New Mexico governor Gary Johnson. The big challenge will be to bump his poll numbers north of 15 percent to qualify for the October debates. Although they might be better off buying canyon acreage in Utah and waiting for it to become oceanfront property. Probably happen faster.
Neocon Bill Kristol has floated a staff writer on his National Review magazine as the true conservative alternative to Trump. Nobody knows anything about this man, David French, except he doesn't have the chance of a toothpick in a bonfire. Of course, that's what they said about Trump this time last year. The difference is, Trump didn't wear a beard. But he did threaten a third party run.
The Green Party, also a guaranteed player in about 35 states, is expected to choose Dr. Jill Stein at their Convention in August, expanding the slate of possible semi- legitimate contenders to 5. Which doesn't even bring us a tenth of the way to rolling like Venezuela, which has over 50 political parties. There's 350 in India and many folks maintain Israel has more political parties than voters.
What the American People desire is a real choice. Not more candidates, but a ballot option that reads "None of the Above." Of course, should that position garner the most votes, we might have to survive a vacated Oval Office. Which to many, considering the alternative, doesn't altogether sound like that bad of an idea.
Copyright 2016, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.
Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and margarine smuggler. For sample videos and a calendar of personal appearances including the 23rd annual Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show, December 26- January 3, go to willdurst.com.
The New York Times says Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today."