We Can Trust the FBI, Right?
By WILL DURST
February 28, 2016
The Feds want Apple to create specialized software in order to bypass the auto-erase feature of the San Bernardino terrorists' iPhone. They don't just want access to a backdoor, they want Apple to design a backdoor, construct it then hand them the only key. And snacks. They want snacks too.
FBI vs Apple
The FBI says they only need to do this once. Yeah, right. Federal investigators in 11 other jurisdictions have already filed motions seeking access to suspects' iPhone data. A Manhattan DA has 175 phones he wants to crack. Get ready to open a Pandora's Box of 4th amendment violations, full of venomous snakes ready to spring out and bite us in the butt. Repeatedly.
The problem is, you let one government into your back door and every other government is going to break land-speed records to stand in line to do the same and not all of them are familiar with the concept of lubricant, if you catch my drift. Besides, no global company, not even one located in Cupertino, California, can say yes to Obama and nyet to Putin. China? North Korea? Seriously?
And the fallacy of the backdoor code remaining secure is so laughable it should be green-lighted its own sitcom on Comedy Central. The claim that nobody else would be able to get their hands on this technology is either woefully ignorant or further demonstration of an ineptitude approaching that of a Sherman tank in the upper branches of an elm tree.
The only way to guarantee security in this, the 7th year of the 2nd decade of the 21st century, is through a self-imposed sentence of solitary confinement. The term "internet privacy" is like saying "transparent cement" or "blazing snow." Last October a 16-year-old kid hacked CIA Director John Brennan's personal email. Why doesn't the FBI hire him?
Sides are being chosen. Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg supports Apple while Bill Gates has come down on the side of the FBI. He would. And finally, supporting the FBI's position, the walking contradiction known as Donald Trump called for a patriotic boycott of Apple in a tweet. That he sent out on his iPhone. You can't make stuff up like this.
Copyright 2016, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.
Will Durst is an award-winning, nationally acclaimed columnist, comedian and margarine smuggler. For sample videos and a calendar of personal appearances including the 23rd annual Big Fat Year End Kiss Off Comedy Show, December 26- January 3, go to willdurst.com.
The New York Times says Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today."