Democrats Are Completely Lost
By WILL DURST
February 11, 2017
The Democrats have lost their direction so completely they need a compass to blow their nose. Incontestably, incontrovertibly and incredibly... useless. We are not speaking of a trifling of uselessness here. "Totally and utterly and unconditionally useless" barely scratches the surface. The exact extent of the uselessosity exhibited by Democrats right now is breathtaking in its magnitude. Mythic. Destined to be immortalized in song and dance.
As useless as an ejection seat in a helicopter. Mudflaps on a turtle. Pistol range in a bouncy house. Costume designer on a porn flick. Solar powered night scopes. An ashtray on a Harley. Glass pieatas. Triangular wheels.
Oh sure, they strut and pose and squawk and stamp their little impotent feet but so far have accomplished nothing. Less than nothing. Negative nothing if that's even a thing. And no, you're right, it isn't.
Our new president celebrates Black History Month by comparing himself to MLK. He goes to a National Prayer Breakfast and asks the assembled to pray for Arnold Schwarzenegger's ratings on the television show he produces. He pPicks a fight with Australia. Australia for crum's sakes, home of the koala bear. We're about to go to war with koala bears. Come on, America, that's not who we are.
Nancy Pelosi displays a look of perpetual surprise, but can't bring herself to do anything but wag her finger and shake her head. Bernie Sanders? Zero. Zip. Nada. Nothing. He hasn't even threatened to give the President a stern look. Okay, a sterner look.
Barack Obama has left the building. No, really. He's gone fishing. In Chicago or Hawaii or Kenya or somewhere. Hillary Clinton is no help at all, she just keeps laughing. John Lewis and Elizabeth Warren are the only isolated voices in the wilderness, two lonely figures fighting on the balustrade trying to wave away swarms of raptors. Getting the same support from their compatriots as bulls get from squirrels.
Heads need to roll. Hurdles must be leapt, rivers portaged and careers sacrificed. Loins girded. Photos of administration members in flagrant delicto with livestock have got to go viral. It's time for Democrats to kick off the Birkenstocks and strap on some football cleats. Lose the mandolin music and download Led Zeppelin. Once more unto the breach, dear friends. Snarling.
Copyright © 2017, Will Durst, distributed by the Cagle Cartoons Inc. syndicate.
The New York Times says Emmy- nominated comedian and writer Will Durst "is quite possibly the best political satirist working in the country today."
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