SitNews - Stories in the News - Ketchikan, Alaska

Quibbles and Bits
By Dave Kiffer


January 06, 2006

Ketchikan, Alaska - At least once a year, all columnists are required to clean out the sock drawer and dump all those scraps of paper and bits of ideas they have been hoarding into a column.

A belated New Year's present to you all!

Did you know that water expires?

My bottle of Dasani has an expiration date of 12/9/06. Serves me right for not picking an Alaskan brand of bottled water.

Better recheck that pre-nuptial pact

In Indiana recently, an auxiliary police officer accidentally shot her fiance in the leg while defending herself from a charging pit bull, authorities said. The dog charged her but she instead wounded her boyfriend who was standing off to the side. The officer will be required to be retrained on firearms.

Well, duh.

And Revillagigedo means "spread wings of an eagle?"

From the 2005 Princess Cruises Adventures Ashore Port and Shopping Guide comes this little gem.

"Captain George Vancouver, during an exploration of the Inside Passage in 1793, discovered the land now known as Ketchikan. The Captain often named his discoveries after his friends or relatives. Ketchikan was the viceroy of Mexico at the time."

 Can't get there from here

Also from the Princess Cruises guide:

"The Ketchikan International Airport is located on Gravina Island, three miles outside of town. A ferry must be taken from the mainland to reach the airport."

The cruise industry is apparently more all-powerful than previously believed, they've moved Ketchikan to the mainland!

Truth in advertising

Also from the Princess Cruises guide:

"For that special man in your life: experience a variety of unusual styles of men's jewelry including "tension" rings by Sossi Collection."

Does the "tension" occur before or after the credit card statement arrives?

Hoping for a jury of his peers

Last fall, a Wasilla driver drove his truck into a parked police car. He got out of the truck and immediately fell down in front of the state trooper. He told the officer he had only had six or seven beers. His blood alcohol was .237. Of course, he has since pleaded not guilty to driving under the influence.

I'll take a fast ferry to go!

While having breakfast at the Dockside Diner recently my wife noticed the ad for Jim and Judy's store on the table. They sell a variety of interesting items including dragons and "ferries."

An ad on the A and P bulletin board offered "pure bread puppies" for sale

It's bad enough that I have to choose between the 300 some American Kennel Club breeds, but now I have to choose between white and whole wheat as well?

 Follow the Yellow.

A burglary suspect was apprehended in Nome earlier this year when police followed his footprints in the snow to his house. They also noted that he stopped to relieve himself twice along the way.

An SUV ad in the Local Paper mentions that the vehicle has "elec. start".

It's about time. Personally, I was getting a little sick and tired of "kick starting" that big old V-8 engine.

 Heads Up, shoppers!

At Carrs-Safeway a few weeks ago, there was a sale on shampoo. Regular price for Head and Shoulders was $5.99, but with the Club Card it was $6.33! Next up, the ever popular "one for the price of two" sale.

 Better get a bigger bathroom

A recent federally funded study determined that toothbrushes (teethbrushes?) should be kept at least six feet away from toilets because of airborne "contaminants" that are spread by the flushing "process."

Obviously not taking his own advice

Troopers in Wasilla pulled over a speeding car this week and discovered the driver was driving with a suspended license. The license plate on the car read THINK.

 Yogi Berra in local government?

A direct quote from the most recent Borough Assembly meeting.

"This (memo) contains so many misstatements, it's really hard to figure out which ones are true."



Dave Kiffer is a freelance writer living in Ketchikan, Alaska.
Contact Dave at

Dave Kiffer ©2005

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