DEAR CRABBY,

I moved to Oregon a few months ago. In many apartment buildings, (mine included), they have parties at least twice a month. They're by invitation only and they're always 'shared-hosting'. Between 3 and 5 hosts list their names on the same invitation and sometimes I'm not really clear on who invited me. Unusual idea to me.

Most of these parties last exactly 2 hours, on a pre-scheduled time, date and location (the condo community room, or small club). I have gone to a few, but still don't feel at ease there because I don't know all of the hosts or many of the guests.

When I've had parties, I've always had people over to my home, and never had a set time for them to leave.

As far as doing the thank you notes, should I write a 'group' note, or one to each individual? And do I need to invite all of them when I entertain, or just the one that invited me?

I'd appreciate any insight you have on this new(?) custom.

PARTY POOPER

DEAR PP,

Well, file this under S for Stumped. Or Stupid. Or Stoli's. How about Sorry Still Sober Small Towner?

Maybe they have a 2 hour time limit because:

A: They want to party, but can't afford to get you drunk.
B: They only reserved the location for 2 hours. (Duh)
C: They tell gripey people that they feel forced to invite (so as not be busted by management because of nitpicking complaints about deafening blasts of the Classic Led Zeppelin music) that it is only a 2 hour gig.

Maybe they don't host parties at their own houses because:

A: They haven't got time to clean up what with all the partying and all.
B: Last time someone did, their mom came over with her video camera.
C: They don't want you to know where they live.

Thank you note? It was a party, not a dinner party. Not a weekend at a resort. Just bring booze next time and invite them to yours.

Probably someone said, "I'm broke. I can't afford to throw any more parties, because the price of booze has gone way up. How about you two get a keg, you bring a bottle, and I'll buy a $6.00 jumbo, super- sized, colossal, party-beach ball box of wine. We'll tell George to bring the food (I call him that, because I had an uncle named George, and he was huge. He loved good food, and if I am making this party up in my mind, I want him to bring shrimp puffs. My Uncle George would)." "So, we'll just say we wanted to have a little meet and greet and don't want to be irresponsible hosts what with the drinking and driving laws and all."
"Sounds good. And when we decide who's worth hitting on, we'll get rid of everyone else and move the real party to a bar." "Yeah. Be sure and put all our names on the invites so they'll be confused and won't bug us about more ice and where the bathrooms are and stuff."

Yes, it seems they don't want you to know which one of them invited you. Makes it hard for them if they're planning to watch you all evening (I mean for 2 hours) and plot against you if you know.

Really, I wouldn't worry about it. Go enjoy, and know that one can still afford to throw parties in these troubled economic times because 4 friends will pitch in and help. And the two-hour time limit is perfect. Just enough time to back up a U-haul to empty your apartment while you are attempting to enjoy every minute of this short-lived evening out.

DEAR CRABBY,

I'm 13, and in a few months, going to become a big sister again. The closer it gets, the more I worry. I'm glad my mom and step-dad are happy, and I want everything to be good for them.

The thing I'm worried about is what I'm hearing from my parents, aunts, and uncles. They act like I am having the baby too. Everyone tells me to get used to 'warming bottles and washing babies'. I heard them tell my mom how lucky she is to have a built-in baby sitter.

This is not my child. I don't want it to be my child. I want to have a life, which includes my parents, little brother, and new baby. I want to help her out sometimes, but not have to do all the baby care and work everyone is talking about. I want to love and enjoy the new baby like everyone else, and take her to the mall in a stroller sometimes, but not have to take the place of my mom when she's back at work.

Both my parents work full time, so I know I need to help out. I baby sit my little brother in the afternoons now, and sometimes when they need to get out and be together. I don't want them to think I am jealous or resenting this. My mom had me pick out the colors and help her shop for the baby. We did the room together, and I feel closer to her than ever, so I don't want to hurt her. But I'm not her sister, her mother, or a baby sitter. I'm still young, and don't want to have adult responsibilities.

I'm hoping I can go hang out with my friends like other teenagers, and am worried I will have to put my own life aside to baby sit. Can you help me figure out how to tell my mom that?

BIG SISTER (AGAIN)

DEAR BS,

Boy, you sure didn't have any trouble figuring out how to tell me that. Maybe put it in a note. You have a gift for details. Or....
Buy the baby a gift certificate for her first tattoo, and mention how excited you are that the tattoo shop also does body- piercing. Tell your parents you are anxious to baby-sit so you and the new one can start in on your bonding experiences with his first baby earring. Or Belly button ring. And get out the make-up. Babies sleep through anything.

Love the baby, so your parents are not threatened, but try to put the diapers on backwards occasionally and the pacifier in your mouth often, so your parents will want to monitor your 'baby time' closely. You should also design some little black leather and silver chain outfits; Michael Jackson, Goth, or Biker Style. Don't forget to play NSYNC if it's a boy, and Britney Spears if it's a girl. This should cause your parents to severely limit your time around the child.

Of course, you realize none of this will do any good if your parents already know you are not an idiot. Ah, yes.... Good Times, Good Times.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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