DEAR CRABBY,

What do I do about friends that treat their animals better than people? I have friends that think of their pets like children. They allow them up on the table, and all over me or any other guest, whether we like it or not.

One couple brings their two little dogs when they visit. We were all eating in the living room, when one dog jumped up on the sofa and ran right up into my plate! I pushed it away while my friends said, "Oh, look, he wants some too!" The dogs make "messes" on my carpet and bark constantly. They also lick themselves, then lick my toddlers hands and face, then my baby puts her hand in her mouth. The owners do nothing.

My other friends have a cat, and when I go over there, it is allowed to wander around on the table (near the coffee cake and teacups). He rubs all over me and sheds long cat hairs on my clothes, jumps into my lap and stays whether I want him or not. Again, the owners say nothing.

I've known both couples (the wives anyway) at least 8 years. I don't say anything because it's not my place, and the animals seem to be "child" substitutes". I have a cat, dog, and small child. All are more disciplined than their pets. How can I handle the animals without losing my friends?

NEEDS ANIMAL CONTROL

DEAR NEEDS AC,

What you don't get, is that at your place, it is your place to say something. If you really haven't the guts, then make a plan.

You invite the couple with dogs over, put your baby with grandma for the evening, and set 5 place settings on the floor. When they question this, tell them you know they feel as though the dogs are their children, and thought you could all eat together. Then order pizza and split the bill 5 ways.

Cats are easier. Wait until she leaves the room, and push him off the table hard enough to fly a little. If he yells, tell her you tripped over him and act worried. He won't be back.

Of course, being the animal lover that I am, I would never do this. Mainly because my cat is too fat to jump up onto the table, although we do have to keep the toilet lid down now because he has managed to figure out how to get up there and drink out of it. That, and the dog is so small, if he tried drinking out of the toilet, he would surely drown. This is something which he might actually try, because he follows the cat around, imitating him and kissing up to him in hopes the cat doesn't beat the stuffing out of him when we are not watching. Dogs are not too bright, as the cat could care less if we are watching or not.

DEAR CRABBY,

I have a $5 bet riding on this. If I took a nice bottle of wine to dinner as a hostess gift to a friend's house, does it require a `thank you' note from the hostess? I did this recently, as well as sent a `thank you' note for dinner the day after. I expect a `thank you' note for the wine, but my sister says not to. Who's right?

SISTER WITH MANNERS

DEAR SWM,

The wine is a `thank you' for dinner and the evening, then you want a `thank you' for the `thank you', and you also sent a `thank you' for dinner and the evening? Is that right? Because that is not right. Your sister is right. Not doing one `thank you', but two `thank you's for the same thing are not right. And to expect a `thank you' for the `thank you' is not right. Give your sister $5 before I get a headache. Thank you.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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