DEAR CRABBY,

I live to the north of town so I don't get downtown very often, but I do read the daily paper (and Sitnews.com), and I've seen the photos of the new artwork on the plywood covering the windows of the building at the Mill Street curve. So far I haven't been able to decide which I find more unsightly: the bare plywood or the art. The painting effort was done with the best of intentions, I'm sure.

But where were the grownups when the decision was made that it's OK to board over windows for seven months! Who made the decision to OK the subsequent art project? Does all this say that our town can't be trusted not to break the windows, and, that hometown passersby will enjoy the 1960's-style comic strip marine life? But what's done is done.

So how about an Art Derby to gamble on when the first artistic graffiti will be recorded! I'll bet on that any day! There could be a special prize if said graffiti indicates human body appendages on the fishies!

Your comments, please?

ART LOVER

DEAR AL,

So, who are you, my long lost twin? I unfortunately, do not live north of town. I have driven by the paintings many times and thought, "How nice. They allow little grade-school kids to paint all over here. Being one of the artsiest-fartsiest communities in the country, we can tolerate this to foster the little ones' creativity. Or the adult wanna-be artists' creativity..."

But I must add, I am very tempted to paint a smile and even a mustache on the mermaid. Maybe some big sunglasses and boobs too. As long as we're doing a whimsical theme, how about a guy in cement shoes, Nessy, a giant killer squid, Jaws, and a nuclear submarine under the water there?

Who made the decision to board up windows and paint all over them?

I'm not sure, but the poop is that "Project Ketchikan" is sponsored by Historic Ketchikan and Ketchikan Area Arts and Humanities Council. (Humanities? As far as I can tell, there was nothing "humane" about that project.)

I ADDRESS THE FOLLOWING COMMENTS / SUGGESTIONS TO THESE GROUPS:

As long as you're on a mission to beautify Ketchikan, how about making it part of the criteria that the project actually does, in some way, beautify Ketchikan? For instance, even a hockey mask would be better than NO face on that mermaid. Small children could have nightmares about someone having eaten her face off. After serious thought and consideration, I have come up with some guidelines for future Ketchikan Improvement Projects:

KIP RULES

1. Any project undertaken has to actually improve the looks of Ketchikan.
2. All KIP projects must look like adults or extremely talented children had a hand in them, or the participants will be forced to publicly sign their work.
3. People who only wish they were skilled and creative may not participate.
4. All participants in KIP's must show up to perform the work sober.
5. All projects, in order to qualify for time, talent, perceived talent, imaginary talent, and local donations, must be annual (permanent) and benefit Ketchikan, versus the non-resident, seasonal store owners/operators.
6. If anyone in the community is going to be embarrassed by a KIP, it will be agreed upon ahead of time. It will then be announced through the local media, "We meant it to look like that".

ALTERNATELY;

1. Should any winter-time conventioneers or off-season tourists happen to visit Ketchikan and be overheard commenting negatively on any KIPs, then Sitnews, KDN, and local radio programs will quickly be sent a news release concerning the recent and shocking rash of 'vandalism' downtown.

I would also strongly suggest a new ordinance be passed concerning a "non-resident-owned-business" tax to be used specifically to improve the appearance of an abandoned Downtown Ketchikan every year. It will be allocated to and address the way downtown shall look for the seven desolate winter months (at the offending businesses' expense).

Lastly, HISTORIC KETCHIKAN? Do we have a history or tradition around here that I am not aware of, concerning painting cartoons on the buildings lining the most prominent street in town? I have been here nearly 3 decades, and am not aware of it. OK then......

And Al, there's no point in starting a pool. I'll win. By appendages on the fishies, do you mean adding something that would need a codpiece?

DEAR CRABBY,

I have wanted to write for awhile about people who feel entitled to certain things. Many seem to think someone owes them something, whether it be a larger tip for service, family inheritance, expensive wedding gifts, favors from friends, or even the way their parents treat them.

This stuns me, as the whole idea of an inheritance, or gift of any kind (as well as the kindness of ones parents after you turn of age), is just that, a gift. The very meaning of the word gift is gratuity, present, bequest; an unsolicited and freely given generosity.
The giver has a choice to give or not, and to whom they choose. It is no more an obligation than, say, to drop by and give you money because I'm better off than you are. Even love and gratitude seem conditional now. If you are a good person, you earn love and respect, the wanting to leave you things in a will, some extra gifts or favors, even allowing one to live at home longer to help out financially.

Just wanted to let off a little steam and see what you think of such people. Thank you.

RITA ON ROOSEVELT

DEAR ROR,

Yes, you are right. The Constitution does not guarantee free stuff to anyone, by anyone, for anyone.
So does this mean you are not leaving me the house?

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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