DEAR CRABBY,

I am so fed up with my mother and sister. My sister has 2 children, and each one has a different father. My mother has very high moral standards, but completely drops them for my sister because "she has grandchildren!" It makes me sick. My sister will lie to get extra money out of my mother, claiming she needs the money for food. My mother doesn't want her precious grandchildren to starve. What I see, though, and my mother doesn't, are all the tattoos that keep showing up on my sister. Sometimes I feel like I should get myself pregnant just to get some attention. I'm the older sister, and have been married for 3 years, which is longer than my sister's one marriage ever lasted. My husband told me after we got married that he doesn't want children. Should I dump him and find someone else? What can I do about this?

LEFT OUT

DEAR LO,

I don't even know them and yet I too, am fed up! Unless your sister is like 16, what do you mean, "extra" money? Your mother shouldn't be giving her any money! Why, that just makes me sick, too!

And you want to have a baby to get attention? I can think of easier things to do for attention, honey! You get caught dancing naked with a squirrel just once on the steps of the town's newspaper office, and see if the picture of your arrest on the front page doesn't get you some of that attention you've been looking for! You can take my word for it, it works. Why sometimes you even get national coverage!

You and your mother have the best of both worlds - you can spend time and money on kids, but not have the headaches and heartaches that go with keeping them. Ignore your sister- she is the one that seems to need attention. Sounds like she has all the charm of a salted slug.

As you are not close with your mom or sister, and your husband can collaborate your story, why not tell mom you've secretly been going to night school and are three short years away from becoming a full-fledged doctor! Say even sooner if you can get the money up for that trip to Granada! Or is it Mexico? No matter, all those degrees all look alike anyway. That should gain her approval. By the time she finds out, you'll have "changed your mind" and "signed up for" some pre-law classes! Really, how can you possibly make the kind of living she'll need to care for her in her old age, if you are making more kids to feed?

DEAR CRABBY,

I work with Linda, whom I like, but am worried about. I'm sure she's having an affair with Roy, a married co-worker of ours.
Linda has just canceled her spring wedding to Charlie. She denies anything personal between her and Roy, but it sure looks suspicious to me. They take all their lunches away from the job at the same time everyday, and I've seen her jump away from him in the coffee room.

She never goes to lunch with me anymore. Instead she lies when I ask and says she has an appointment. Then I see them drive off together.

I think he's brainwashed her, ruining her engagement, and is using her like he did this other co-employee last year. She defends him when I try to tell her Roy is no good and she won't talk about it with me. How can I convince her that romance with Roy is a dead end relationship?

WORRIED ABOUT LINDA'S LOVELIFE

DEAR WALL,

You are a good friend. Or a rejected suitor; not sure yet. Face it, short of his big pregnant wife making out with Roy in front of Linda, she is not going to listen to you. Some people are just stupid and have to hurt innocent spouses and themselves before they learn not to do that kind of garbage. And some people have to go to work and miss their soap operas.

SO! Turns out Erica is ticked off at Jack because he had the gall to question her about Michael's disappearance and her situation with David. She tells David she was trying to protect Jack. Meanwhile, JR introduces his wife, Babe, to Jamie and the family, shocking the newly de-flowered Jamie, as Babe is the bimbo he was de-flowered by on the previous night. Bianca and Maggie become roommates, and Bianca seems attracted to Ryan's sister, Kendall. Ryan and Kendall are both chicks with guys' names. Maggie thinks Kendall may have something to so with Michael's disappearance. Greenlee and Carlos were hit by a car. Adam's royally ticked off at Ryan. And, yes, Linda and Roy are having a torrid affair.

But I do have great news! I just saved a bundle on my car insurance!

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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