DEAR CRABBY,

I am not the most ambishous person. My parents think I have no goles, because I'm 19 and still live at home. I'm a little lazy. I didn't finish school and I'm not werking yet. I have to get a GED, and then I want to go to school to be a painter or a food label desiner. They have told me I have until the first of the year to move out. Three and a half months isn't enough time for me, even if I could get a job. I think that parents shood be more understanding, and want to know what to tell them to let me stay?

STRUGLING ARTIST

DEAR STRUGGLING,

Boy, I'll say! The audacity! (That means "What nerve!") Those darned old people! What the heck is the matter with them, expecting you to go to out into the world at this tender age? Have you even found yourself yet? Or is that all you are doing? (Forgive me, an old people term, 'found yourself').

You are right: you need to get a GED-that means General Education Diploma. And you can't just 'go get it' anymore. You need to sign up for GED classes. Thank goodness.

So; just out of curiosity, how did you come up with the idea of food label designer? You just sit around and stare at the macaroni and cheese box? I guess I can see that. Hmmm.... "This is not quite as attractive as it could be. I think I could do it better- Why, I could take a more artistic picture, plus I bet I could make it look cheesier. I'll bet if I took some melon-colored orange acrylic paint and mixed it in with the cheese, it would look even tastier. Yeah, that'll show up much brighter on cardboard than what's going on here."

I'm thinking if you put down the bong, get off your butt, get a job, sign up for GED classes, and ask your parents to wave (that means 'give up' or 'go without') rent for a few months, you'll be able to move out in no time. Believe me, asking you for rent will be their next unreasonable demand.

Remember, in your future endeavors (that means efforts) as an artist, if you wear gloves, the designs aren't as pretty, but you don't get so much paint under your nails....

DEAR CRABBY,

I realize you are not a banker, but am too embarrassed to go ask them to explain this to me. I am old enough that I should know about this by now. I'm hoping you can help. I got a home improvement loan, and no matter how much I pay, I still owe way more than I thought I should by now. The loan is due to be paid off next year, but the numbers don't show how it can happen. I have paid a lot ahead on it so the monthly payment has gone down over time to nearly half of what it was. It says 'variable interest'. Do you know anything about finances enough to explain it to me?

NUMERICALY CHALLENGED

DEAR NUM CHA,

You are not speaking any language I understand. I consider the banking industry a foreign and hostile entity. They attempt to lull you into a mind- controlled state of passivity with free calendars, pens and water bottles; low fee checking accounts and a complimentary book of introductory checks. "....Oooohhhh....Pretty...." --NO!! DON'T BE FOOLED!! It is trickery! You will innocently stop by to see what that contest is, and before you know it, you are filling out a little slip of paper asking them to call you! All of the sudden you have the urge to find out about IRA's and CD's that don't play music! You will find yourself signing up for checking accounts that offer overdraft protection, only to find your savings are mysteriously vanishing over a few months' time! It is an unsolveable conundrum, an evil bankers enigma! And variable interest, you say? My interest never varies. I have lost all interest. Face it NumCha, they have us by the water bottles!

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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