DEAR CRABBY,

About 12 years ago, I went to an out of State University. The college paired me up with a great roommate, and we became best friends. As it turned out, the guy I was dating (Rob) was her ex-boyfriend, and their breakup had hit her pretty hard. Neither of us told her I was seeing him, and I eventually broke up with him to avoid hurting her. He was my first romantic experience.

In the past 12 years, I've gotten married, had a wonderful family and built a beautiful home with my husband. We are very happy.

Yesterday, the phone rang and it was my old roommate, Sally. Throughout the years, she'd bumped into Rob off and on, and now tells me they're back together and getting married! I've been invited to their wedding, and even though it's over 500 miles away, would love to go.

I never told Sally about my relationship with Rob, and judging by her demeanor, he didn't either. I still have deep affection for them both, and the memories I have of back then are a part of me. I am worried whether or not it would be proper for me to go to the wedding, considering our past situation?

OLD GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND,

Stop thinking about yourself! Of course you should go! You have nice memories, they have nice memories, everyone has nice memories. Just because you have a conscience doesn't mean your friends should be shafted out of a perfectly good wedding gift. Before you go getting all nostalgic over it, consider that Rob and Sally have obviously managed to go on living without you. I imagine the conversation went something like: "Hey Rob, is this all you have for your side of the list? It's not very much. My parents have waited like 15 years for me to get married, and you know they're willing to sell their house to give me a big wedding. I think we should really go all out. Let's serve lobster and invite everyone we can think of." Rob replies, "OK, I got the newspaper boy, the water delivery guy, the cable TV man and the dog groomer..." "Good. And I've been thinking we should invite that weird guy that always asks you for money outside the liquor store, your whole fraternity, and old what's her face-you know-that sappy girl I roomed with in college." "Who?" "Never mind, I'll take care of it..."

So, GO! Have fun! Enjoy! And keep your mouth shut!

DEAR CRABBY,

I have two sons. My husband left 11 years ago and I've raised them myself. The younger one is 15, the older one is a 22 year old husband and father. He lives within 3 miles of us, and we see him often.

Last week, I gave my older son money for his car payment because he was laid off work. I frequently help out the younger one too, even though he has a part time job. Regardless, he never seems to have any.

My birthday was yesterday, and I didn't receive any gifts, cards, phone calls, or even an e-mail from either of them. Nothing. They had to have known, it's on the big calendar in the kitchen. I'm furious. I want to say something, but what?

FORGOTTEN MOM

DEAR MOM,

Instead of crying around about it, let's analyze the situation. You are a single mom, dealing with males of the species. It has been debated as to whether they are even of our species. Let's face it. You cook for them, clean for them, go to work and provide for them. Even with no man in the house, lying in a pile of their own dirty underwear to watch sports while eating nachos and fake cheese comes more naturally to them than breathing. I myself have given advice to help resolve some conflict boys were having at school, only to see them roll their eyes, burst out laughing, look at each other, and say, "We're not girls!" So, apparently they'll fight, make friends, and life goes on. Unless your sons turn gay, get used to the fact they will never remember your birthday, their brothers' birthday, Mothers Day, or any other occasion that requires forethought or flowers.

A straight guy doesn't like to be seen with flowers. It's an allergy or something. I think it is in the contract they are required to sign at birth. They may only use flowers under duress-such as guilt or courtship. You might be able to convince them to buy you a rechargeable drill. The 13-year-old boy next door gave me a flashlight for my birthday once. I was thrilled. But I was 11. Come to think of it, I wonder if he was a stalker or something. I mean, how did he know it was my birthday? We never spoke, hung out or anything. Hmmm......

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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