DEAR CRABBY,

My husband and I are in our mid twenties and have been married two years this October. We are still in love and have no problems in our relationship except for one, and it is big.

"Mike" has a good job, and I work part-time. Because he is the primary breadwinner, he thinks he can spend whatever he wants, anytime he wants, on most anything he wants. Mike doesn't understand why we need to budget, or that living payday to payday is not the smartest thing to do. I worry constantly about money. I go without because he spends everything. He says it's my own fault, and that I can buy myself things whenever I want. We have a nice stereo, nice car, nice furniture, etc. I get no pleasure from any of it, because we have so many payments to make on things I never had a choice in buying. I took the job to help, but Mike saw it as more money to spend.

I'm upset that this is affecting our marriage so much. We argue every time a bill comes in the mail or another car payment is due. We bounce checks because Mike won't write them down and dislikes the duplicate check styles. I love my husband, but I'm still considering leaving. I honestly don't think filing for bankruptcy would bother him. Please help, Crabby!

WORRIED ABOUT MONEY

DEAR WAM,

WHOOAAAA! You are talking one of the top 4 reasons for divorce here! (Financial) I can tell you from experience, there's not much you can do about it, except to start stashing money. Apparently, you, like me, decided a long time ago, (to paraphrase that great woman and folk hero, Scarlett O' Hara,) "As God is my witness, I shall never be broke again!"

You can hardly have a good marriage if he thinks you don't trust him. But you can't. He sounds as responsible as a 12 year old. In fact, demanding instant gratification is a major sign of the times... I mean immaturity. You will never feel secure if your husband doesn't care about something as serious as your financial well-being. So sit down and tell him either he allows you to handle the money, or you get a full time job and keep everything separate. You should establish ownership of things- keep your finances separate (so he can't ruin your credit) and keep your name off of everything that could be repossessed. Explain to Mike that NSF means Not So Fast and No Such Finances (as well as Non Sufficient Funds). You may never have the deep, sharing, secure love you want until he actually lives (and learns from) the reality show, "Poor House, My House".

So, listen. As long as Mike's spending like there's no tomorrow, there's this wonderful little charity called M.C.Association. You can donate your car, money, most anything of value, and it will get into the right hands. Not one penny is wasted or spent on anything other than M.C.A. They accomplish many things, and all funds benefit the underprivileged. Just make the check out to the M.C.Association. For tax purposes, that would be Mrs. Crabcakes.

DEAR CRABBY,

I'm writing you about my wife. She's been acting real different since she's started going to that Senior Center. At first I thought she was excited about Bingo. And I know she made some new friends.

After I retired, me and Margaret realized we were comfortable together, but don't have much in common. I spend my time at the lodge and play cards with my friends, and she has her projects and girl clubs.

This new thing at the Senior Center has got my goat. She is too darn happy! I think she is seeing someone. She knows I don't like the place, and she still goes there all the time! I want my wife back at home with me. Any ideas?

LONELY JOE

DEAR JOE,

OK, OK, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!! I GIVE!! IT'S ME! Margaret has been with me this whole time! We play high stakes poker (have you checked your safety deposit box lately? It's empty.) And when you can't find her all day, it's because we fly to Seattle to hit the Casinos in Tulallup. Sometimes she does a little exotic dancing to pay her way home. Haven't you ever wondered about all the dice potholders and pillow covers? We do needle pointing and quilting, and knit and crochet and talk about old men and young men and sometimes Ellen De Generes. I'm sorry. You were always underfoot and kind of boring. I will give her up. My most sincere apologies.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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