DEAR CRABBY,

I am torn between two men. I'm confused because I'm sure I love them both and can't decide between them. My ex-husband wants me back. I have 2 kids by him, and he is an alcoholic. He ruined me financially, and is remarried, but has no other kids and says he'll leave her. He swears he's stopped drinking, and will allow me to handle the money. My ex-boyfriend is in jail at the moment. He used to cheat on me, and hit me a few times. He's been calling, and promises he has changed too. My family hates both of them. I can't stop thinking about them, and want desperately to trust again. I know they have both done some bad things, but I still wish I could decide.

HAVING TROUBLE CHOOSING

DEAR HAVING TROUBLE,

Was one of the things they did to you a lobotomy? I'm surprised you're not having trouble remembering to breathe.

My father always told me, "Wish in one hand, $%*! in the other and see what you get. Why wouldn't they want you back? You are a doormat with the key to a free hotel room. I know someone who will hit you, spend your money and cheat on you too. This one will also help clean house once in awhile and change dirty diapers. You will end up paying - whichever loser you pick. When he gets tired of you, or finds someone better, you will be alone, trying to explain to your friends, family and CHILDREN that you WERE that stupid. (Because no one is THAT good in bed). Keep your legs crossed, and RUN-OK, HOP away from them! Change your phone number! Answer it in a foreign voice and deny your existence! Take a class! Get a life!

DEAR CRABBY,

I run one of the biggest companies in the world. I have many advisors and employees, and a high number of stockholders to answer to. When I first assumed this position, there was a large amount of work to be done. While I secretly prefer physical labor, I feel all right about my performance so far. I can take heat. Through it all, I have been able to spend little time with my family, and there have been a couple of 'minor' problems there. That seems resolved for now. The issue I'm concerned with is my job. I am and have been expected to rescue this company, both financially and ideologically. It is tough, because many of the sacrifices seem unacceptable. No matter what I do, someone finds something to attack on a daily basis. I was told you had some answers, and I'd like to hear your perspective. Thank you.

signed, GETTING WORRIED

DEAR G.W.,

Life is hard. You can't please everyone. You can please all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but even if you give away money, some people will still be out to get you. Office politics will screw you even if you are an expert brown-noser and keep to yourself. Mothers DO know everything. Spike your coffee. You won't worry as much about what is going on around you. Even bridges to nowhere have people willing to cross them. A good paint job cannot compensate for an ugly color. Dogs are dumber than cats, but always more willing to please. Pet rats are still vermin. A single fish left in the aquarium will outlive your motivation to get rid of the aquarium and rearrange the room. There are way too many re-runs of Matlock on. Even ugly people find love. The Stock Market will always go up just after you sell. Remember, you are a child of the universe, and,.... Oh, Who am I kidding? I got nothin'.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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