DEAR CRABBY,

Last June "Debbie", a divorced woman, and her children moved in across the street. At first I got on well with her and we were becoming fast friends. Once I saw her struggling to unload some heavy furniture, and sent my husband over to help. He was already in our driveway and didn't mind, so he unloaded and put together a new bunkbed set for her.

From then on, Debbie had been calling my husband for anything and everything. It has gotten ridiculous, but it doesn't bother him. She has asked him to go with her to get big packages from the post office, to test drive cars, install her storm windows and day long fishing trips with her kids. I understand she has now told him that I am flirting with the mailman! This is an absolute lie.

Debbie has come over and called my husband up to 14 times in one day! And yet, they continue to tell me the relationship is platonic. My husband insists he is doing nothing wrong, and has refused to stop seeing her. He says he enjoys "helping" her, and spending time with her kids. He also said he's sorry I'm upset, but he won't move out, as it took him too long to save for this house. I am positive 'somethiing is rotten in Denmark'. Crabby, tell me what to do! I'm sick of taking a

BACK SEAT

DEAR BACKSEAT,

So, you cracked that code, did you? What gave you your first clue? And Denmark? Something is rotten in your husband's pants (sic). Doesn't it look to you like maybe the guy (your spouse) is enjoying being needed? And you make no mention of kids of your own. Career woman? He seems to be longing for the role of family man-you know that fragile male ego. What better way to feed it than surround him with smaller, more helpless people? This bimbo is making him feel like a real handy man. "Oh please come help because little old me is just too stupid and helpless to screw in my own light bulb...!" And he is going for it. What you need is something to slam him back into reality. Do some research on how much it costs to raise kids-print out a long list of expenses-- concerning the $200,000 from infancy to adult ... Also, get something in writing from an attorney and realtor showing your hubby what is likely to happen to the house he loves if you two divorce.

Last choice: if you can't beat 'em, join 'em (temporarily). Tell bimbo you are into women and the three of you should make some hot plans. If this goes over well with her, call social services and anonymously report the goings on over at "that house with the children". Be sure you are there in an awkward situation when they show up. Why yes, Dallas was one of my favorite shows, and we could all learn a thing or two from JR. Ewing...

DEAR CRABBY,

I have a 16 year old son that will not go to bed. He does alright in school, and gives me little problem, but is hard to awaken in the mornings, is always tired, and procrastinates going to bed at night. He often falls asleep over his computer. Any advice?

WORRIED MOM

DEAR WORRIED,

Glue a pillow to his head, and look into the exciting field of nighttime security work.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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