DEAR CRABBY,

I've been waiting so long for the government to legalize marijuana that I thought about just going ahead and growing a few plants and lighting up but I'm afraid that smoking pot will turn me into a politician; is there any truth to that? Will marijuana turn me into a lying politician?

ROLLIN' IN TOLEDO

DEAR ROLLIN',

(I hope you don't mind if I call you that, since you forgot to sign-smoking already?),

....Heavens, NO! Bubba was a liar loooong before he did dope! But, it'll make you appear laid back and help you act 'cool' enough so that no one will mind if you are a big liar. Especially if you smile a lot, put on the dark glasses and play a musical instrument.

The fact is, you will more than likely turn into a fat, lazy, incoherent, apathetic, good-for-nothing, Cheeto-eating, couch potato sloth. But, fear not! You can still become a politician! After all, who doesn't like sloths? They move slowly and do nothing. Therefore, nothing to object to, nothing to disagree with, and no sneaking up on anyone! And, even though THC is stored in your fat cells and stays in your system up to 15 months, I never heard of politicians taking pee tests, so you go right ahead!

(The pot today is 20-30 times stronger than in the 70's-THAT was when you should've tried.... NOTHING! Go about your business!) Thank you for writing.

DEAR CRABBY,

I am 14 and have a question that my mom and teacher both suggested I find someone else to ask. The people at the post office didn't know either. So I am writing to you. It has to do with mailing etiquette.

When you write a personal letter, are you supposed to use an envelope with the straight across flap or the kind of flap that has angled corners and comes down to a point? I heard that one is better for personal mail and the other one is used on business letters, like bills and writing to a company. Thank you.

From,

KATIE IN KETCHIKAN

DEAR KATIE,

When I was growing up, we were told if a guy pierced his left ear, it meant he was gay. Then we heard if you hang a blue bandana from your left rear pocket, you were gay. I suspect the same goes with the envelopes. You can only imagine which one makes you gay. Use whichever one you want, as no one cares unless there's money in it. Now if I give you cookie, will you go away?

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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