DEAR CRABBY,

"Jim" and I have dated for nearly 5 years. We have been having a rough time lately, and his head trips are not helping. This whole past year, he acts like he's seeing someone. He sets it up so I catch him, and then nothing is going on, or he is home alone when I get there. He thinks it's hilarious, and he says he just wants to see if I really love him. Every time this happens, Jim apologizes, but his games are really wearing thin.

I am 24, and beginning to think this isn't my true love. I'm worried about our future. I also wonder if he is practicing for a real affair. I'm having trouble forgiving him, and I still have my doubts about all of it. What do you think?

SUSPICIOUS AND MAD

DEAR S.A.M.,

Jim is a jackass. Yep, Jim the jackass. You need to realize losing 5 years of your life to a moron that won't even allow you to feel secure in his love for you is not as bad as it could be. You could have wasted 10 or 20 years and find out he's sleeping with his secretary (or worse, your girlfriend)... Jim the jackass did you a favor by showing his true colors now, while you're still young enough to find a real man and real love. Pin the tail on that donkey and send him packing.

DEAR CRABBY,

I am married to a decent man. He goes to work and returns every night, doesn't run around, doesn't gamble, drink excessively, or anything else that would harm a marriage. He is a great example of what a good husband and father should be. I know our two young children and I are fortunate to have him, and we want for nothing.

The problem is me. I no longer find my marriage exciting. I long for some passionate, romantic adventure. I see old movies like "The Bridges of Madison County" and "An Officer and a Gentleman", and I think that they are not too far-fetched, not entirely unreasonable. Why can't things like that ever happen to me? "Romancing the Stone" would've been ideal, but I know realistically, too much to expect. I'm feeling more and more desperate every day to just go and do something for me, to meet that kind of once in a lifetime love, before it's too late and I'm too old. What is wrong with me?

Signed,

MOONSTRUCK

DEAR MOONSTRUCK,

Or truck-struck, or rock in the head-struck... "Realistically", it's ALL too much to expect. What are you, like 12? You think Michael Douglas is out of reach, but not Richard Gere or Clint Eastwood?

I'll let you in on a little secret. Most of us women out here would give up our firstborn (or at least the problem child) to have a good make-out session with Antonio Banderas or Johnny Depp (or John Travolta, Nickolas Cage, or that tall, dark and handsome foreign doctor on ER.... but I digress). But we don't. Besides the stalking charges that would ensue, most of us instinctively know it would not be the right thing to do.

Grow up and honor your commitment to your husband and family.

You have too much time on your hands. Go volunteer somewhere --not the library. Get your head out of the romance novels, and pick up a Victoria's Secret Catalog, and live out your fantasies with the man you already have. In 30 years, those kinds of men will be married to 30 year olds, and your husband will still be loving you. (Proof: Douglas (at 55) did marry a 30 year old, Eastwood (at 70) married a 35 year old, and Depp is married to a hot model).

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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