DEAR CRABBY,

I have had this roommate since December 2002. She moved here to help with my son- her nephew. His father died in 2001. She has 2 kids of her own and I have 3 (including her nephew). I work a full time job and still find time to clean up after my kids and spend a lot of my time with them. She has a job too but only works a couple of hours a day. She doesn't feed her kids- we have to. She doesn't bath them unless we tell her to. When she comes home from work she goes to sleep 'till she has to be at work the next day, saying things like, "My back hurts" or, "I have a Migraine". And she is always yelling at her kids to hurry when she (sleeps in and) has to be at work in 15 mins. The kids are rushed out the door without anything to eat and they go hungry. She left the kids with me the other night to go get cigarettes and said she would be right back. She didn't come back till 4:30 am! She "had to go see someone" that she has a sexual relationship with. The thing that gets on my NERVES is that she has no time for her kids but she has time for this guy and she chooses not to ask anyone to watch her kids! She just comes and goes as she pleases. Her kids are very good kids too. I love her kids but can't stand her and how LAZY she is. All she worries about is herself.
Thanks for your time,

Sick of LAZY Roommate

DEAR S.O.L.,

She moved in to help you? Sounds like she's been there 8 months too long. With that kind of help, you're better off alone!

I agree: We loathe people like this! It blows me away that she can spend $4 or $5 for a pack of cigarettes, but not pay you to babysit! (And smokes around the children?) Your hands are full with 6 kids, not 5, and this time we're not talking about the husband! You do not mention ages of any of the children. Your kids are helping to care for hers, and hers are both younger? You may be able to help everyone involved here...
First, let's work on your stress levels. Close your eyes. I said, close your eyes. That's better. Now, take a deep breath in through your nose. Slowly, exhale out of your mouth. I'm not sure why, but it's what they tell you during labor. And expelling her may be as painful. OK, now put on a little Stones music and assign all the kids chores. Even little ones will work if the music is good (and you bribe them with cookies).

When she wakes up (or returns), present your roommate with a bill, telling her she owes you and your kids money for working as a nanny for her, and doing her share of the housework. I know a woman that charges $15 and hour to clean house, so be generous to yourself when writing said invoice. Bill her weekly. Seeing it all in writing may be a wake up call. (But don't hold your breath. Breathe!). List each and every minute you are providing care for or supervising her children. Document each time they are made to go hungry or are unnecessarily yelled at to get up and out in15 minutes. Also record each instance and length of time she leaves unannounced, essentially 'abandoning' them with no notice.

This is the painful part. After a week or two, you'll have enough written evidence to show a social worker. And make no mistake. You must tell, or your roommate will end up pregnant with another child for you to deal with. It is also an example her kids will likely grow up and repeat- parental irresponsibility. Hopefully, she will be monitored and required to take parenting classes. But if the situation should worsen, she may lose them. You say her children are good, and that you love them. Look into getting licensed to become a foster care provider. The money isn't bad, you would be a comfort to the kids, and less disruptive for them than dealing with strangers. They would be safe and feel secure with you (vs. new and unknown people) and face an easier transition back to their mother when she 'grows up'. You already handle the responsibility. This way, you might keep the situation from becoming even more of a burden for yourself, as well be able to pay your kids a little for their help.

Even if you don't want to keep them, make the call. You are a party to child neglect if you witness it in your home and do nothing.

I fear this is a growing trend, not just the fathers leaving, but often nowadays the moms too seem to be oblivious to the fact that they have children. It would be great to discover your roommate is not a callus, self-centered, over-sexed sloth. Hopefully, she is just really stupid and once enlightened, can mend her ways.

DEAR CRABBY,

I am a 15 year old guy. I have an 18 year old brother that hangs out with three friends that smoke and drink. Two of them are under 18. My brother doesn't smoke, and only drinks sometimes. I don't at all. Sometimes I loan him my Xbox so they can network a few together to play games. That's when I want to be over there. I miss my brother and want to hang out with him, but I don't like the others. His friends are a bunch of humps. What do I do?

GOOD KID

DEAR GOOD KID,

Good for you. It may not mean much to hear this yet, but hang in there, and know that most adults can't stand punks. We just have to pretend and be patient, as it is an age thing that a lot of us went through. Your brothers friends are "a bunch of humps". All you can do is steer clear of Larry, Moe and Curly, hoping your brother will grow up and away from them. And keep in mind, the straight 'boring' ones end up rich- Bill Gates being a prime example. Partying isn't all it's cracked up to be. Wait until you see their names in the police report. Yeah, that's cool...

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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