DEAR CRABBY,

My problem may not be as serious as some others you get, but is driving me crazy nonetheless. I've been married to "Martin" for 58 years. He is still (at the age of 79) attempting to gain the attention of every female he comes across. He will get loud and start bragging about his past- even things that he did more than half a century ago. "Martin" will tell people to relay messages to his friends' wives that he's still in love with them, and refer to mutual female acquaintance as "the apple of my eye", etc. Sometimes, he even says things to women in my presence, like, "When are we going to run away together?"

I have ignored him, felt embarrassed, humiliated and at times even nauseous over his constant attention seeking behavior. What is wrong with him, and why is he so disrespectful towards me? I am,

MARRIED TO A SHAMELESS FLIRT

DEAR MARRIED,

You wait 58 years to mention this, and you wonder why he is still doing it? People are like children. They will do things because no one stops them. Because they can. Because it seemed like a good idea at the time.

It may have started out when he was having a homo-phobic episode and needed to prove to himself, you, or someone else that he is a real man. Was there a time early in the marriage that his tape measure was stuck in the 'lock' position? Is this perhaps passive- aggressive payback for something? Some married folks feel the need to prove they are still desirable. Or he could just be an insecure pest. Next time he goes for a nap, get a permanent marker and write "I'm Married" across his forehead. If he still doesn't get the message, show him his left hand and explain the concept. Then hide his dentures.

DEAR CRABBY,

I am having trouble at my job. It has to do with the two partners that run the company. They are both still bachelors (mid-thirties), and I am the only woman they have working for them. They've been treating me like their personal matchmaker for months now. I have been pressured into and have actually been arranging dates for them. None of my friends have liked them. Because of this, they are not pleased with me and it has been reflected on my most recent job evaluation. This has stressed both my personal female friendships and working relationship with my bosses.

Please help me figure out how to get them to look elsewhere for dates and 'companionship'. I am not a professional service, and this has nothing to do with the reason I was hired. I cannot quit, as there are no better jobs in this town, but telling them the truth has proven to be an extremely risky prospect. I've tried.

GAL FRIDAY, NOT GAL FRIDAY NIGHT

DEAR GAL FRIDAY,

Go back to Kansas Dorothy, you are not ready to leave home yet. Talk about NAIVE! You should have assessed their personalities before you released them on your helpless friends. It sounds as though they're looking for hookers.

You need to type a letter to them, making it clear your name is not Heidi Fliess, and you are not the Mayflower Madame. Tell them that it has been pointed out to you that what you are doing is illegal, and is called 'Pandering'. The fact that you facilitate the connection where women receive dinner, a movie, or any type of "paid for" time can be construed as you being paid to arrange professional escort services for these two. This is an argument professional prostitutes have been using on the rest of us for years. Mention how the Dept. of Labor would frown upon this, and how much you love your job (and so will be glad to stay on). The blackmail is now on the other foot.

Or, you could just call up an escort agency and send them out with real prostitutes. When they are presented with the bill, they'll probably get the point. Tell them that's who they've been asking for, and you didn't know any.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

Post a Comment         View Comments
Submit an Opinion - Letter