DEAR CRABBY,

I'm 20 years old, and attend a University 200 miles from my home. I've been here for two years so far and it'll be at least two more before I'm finished. I have a beautiful, intelligent fiancé waiting for me, and I drive home at least once a month to see her.

The girls here are really distracting, and many have made it known to me that I can enjoy them to the fullest. I have, several times, but now I'm feeling guilty. I love my girl back home, but am really having fun here.

I am really conflicted about what to do. Should I be...

HONEST OR ?

DEAR H.O.,

You are a dog. And I mean that in the bad breath, licks himself way - disgusting.

Are you aware of the most recent statistics for STD's? According to the CDC, 1 in 4 (going on 1 in 3) sexually active people has Herpes. And you can't prevent it by wearing latex, you Nitwit. And that HIV is making more progress than humans are? Not to mention all the other icky things you can give to your "beautiful, intelligent, beloved girl back home". If you truly love her, you will not touch her with a ten foot pole (or anything else) until you undergo some serious testing...

About all the 'fun' you're having at school; I will leave you with some wise and timeless advice from my dear friend, Dr. Phil. These particular words seem to help everyone on his show, and are appropriate for all ages and an endless variety of situations. "STOP IT!"

DEAR CRABBY,

I am married to a man that has been almost completely non-verbal for the majority of the 40 odd years we've been together. He comes in and leaves in silence. It's as though he's living alone, regardless of whether I'm here or not. He seems oblivious to the fact that I am here and he ignores me. I don't know of another couple where the wife is treated like this. We both come from upper class backgrounds with similar university educations. We have secure jobs, and a nice lifestyle. I feel there must be a reason for his behavior, but am met with cold stares when I try to bring it up. What do you think?

STILL LONELY AFTER ALL THESE YEARS

DEAR STILL LONELY,

I find your husband's behavior creepy and disturbing. But let's look at all of the possibilities. Did you tick him off 40- some years ago? Does he hold grudges? Maybe he was drunk when he married you and has no idea who you are or how to get out of it. Could his 'upper class family' be a dysfunctional bunch of monks with silence vows? Or maybe he was dropped on his head when he was small.

What ever the case, why not enjoy the situation? You can do anything here! Blow out the stereo speakers, singing to the top of your lungs (even off key), and he won't complain. If he does, start an argument. Then you'll get him to talk for awhile! Host some baby and bridal showers, book club meetings, or card games at your house. Take a trip! Redecorate the house! You have the best of both worlds here. All the girly social life you want, and a husband that won't complain!

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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