Dear Crabby,

I hope you can help me. Every time I go to my boyfriend's house, his big dog scares me to death. I swear to you, it happens when "Jim" leaves the room to go to the bathroom, kitchen, or out of sight for a few moments. "Duke" comes over to me, leans forward and shows his teeth. When "Jim" returns, "Duke" wags his tail and trots over to him as if nothing had happened. "Jim" says I am exaggerating, that "Duke" is only being friendly, and I have nothing to worry about. He does not take my fear, or his dogs' menacing behavior towards me seriously. Other than this one thing, I think Jim is the man of my dreams. We are both in our mid- twenties, and I really don't want to look for another love at this point in my life. But, I am terrified.

Signed, NOT A CHEW TOY

Dear Chewy,

Let's face it. The beast is out to get you. You are on his turf, and he sees you as one big happy meal. Dogs bite nearly 5 million times a year in the U.S. No telling how many times they eat their victims, as the 3,000 per day that require medical treatment (1,000 in ER's alone) are usually too busy getting stitched up to notice if the dog had a knife, fork and some A-1 Sauce on him. Your 'dream man' takes the word of a sneaky dog over you? He sounds more like a nightmare. I'd advise slipping old 'Duke' a mickey, then introduce 'Jim' to your new favorite website, dogbitelaw.com. Take action now, before 'Duke' decides he's dating your leg.



Dear Crabby,

We have a 16 year old son. I'll call him David. David was conceived by artificial insemination via an anonymous donor. His father and I are separated, and it looks like we'll be divorcing. David's father does not appear to care much about supporting him in any way.

David doesn't know the details about how he came to be born, but various family members do know. I have struggled quietly with the thought of keeping this information to myself; or when to reveal the truth to David. My parents think I should never tell him, but my conscience needs clearing. I worry how he'll react at his age. Please advise me on what, if anything, I should do.

DAVID'S MOM

DEAR DAVID'S MOM:

How does a three-eyed, one armed, mental case sound to you? Can you say Grandma? Well, if your son marries his half-sister, your grandchild won't be able to either. Your parents are wrong- and living in La-La Land. How much of this donor's 'seed' was planted, and where? Tell David now, so tests can be done before he finds himself making out with a close relative. With a little planning and luck, you won't have the banjo- playing grandchild from Deliverance.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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