Dear Crabby,

My problem is my younger brother and his smell. You see he hates to brush his teeth; I don't know why but it's something he never does. His breath is so terrible that you can smell it from far away and no one can stand to be around him because he smells. I was wondering how would you get him to brush his teeth?

Thanks you for you time,

GROSSED OUT BIG SISTER

Dear GOBS,

You don't mention his age. If he's young, sic your parents on him. When they get tired of your incessant whining, maybe your mom will follow him into the bathroom and withold privacy until he has brushed. After the standard nagging, threats and bribery, take away his TV, video games, or driving lessons. You can sit on him and force him to eat mints. If he's older: men generally listen to another guy before they listen to their wives, sisters, girlfriends or mothers. You might try having a talk with one of his buddies. If he make your brother understand that there will never be a nascar ride to nakedland with a woman, your brother may change his ways. But don't get your hopes up. Green teeth may not bother his friends and there's always porn.

Dear Crabby:

When I read Letters to the Editor on Sitnews or in our daily paper I feel so sad after reading some of the angry, unhappy and sometimes hateful messages! I can't imagine getting stomach acid and adrenaline that stirred up by local affairs. I believe that Ketchikan folks who run for and get elected to local office go into the public arena in an honest effort to serve, and make every effort to do just that. I've been around Ketchikan for many years, and I can think of only one instance in which an elected official actually did something a little bit (what might be called) "crooked" in his official capacity. And the whole town knew about it within 24 hours! At least my phone rang off the hook and I confess I made a few calls myself.... But you see, what goes around comes around in the end. Do you agree?

OPTIMISTIC

Dear Optimistic,

While I was reading this and thinking, "What the heck does this have to do with me?" And, "I wonder if that person has any extra medication they'd like to share", it occurred to me that you might be serious. So, even though I have no idea what you are talking about, and although you seem to have me confused with some 'letters to the editor's column, I turned to the great Mark Twain looking for an answer:

"Definition of a public servant: Persons chosen by the people to distribute the graft."

"Principles aren't of much account, anyway, except at election time. After that you hang them up to let them season."

"There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist, except an old optimist."

"The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little."

Pick a quote you like, and go ponder...

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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