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Dear Crabby
by Mrs. Crabcakes - Ketchikan, Alaska
Wednesday - July 28, 2004

This column is strictly for entertainment purposes only and
is not intended to be taken to heart as serious advice




I'm a 36-year-old man, and the problem is that I'm boring. I've never had many friends, and right now I only have two. Both are more or less casual friendships. I'm not good at beginning conversations with strangers, and when someone talks to me, I don't know what to say. My voice is unexpressive, but my therapist said it is because of a sleep disorder. That might be why I'm tired all the time too. I'm not real energetic.

I thought about taking voice lessons because I'd like to be popular and I've been told I'll never find a good woman unless I have a little more personality. My looks are OK, I guess. I don't get humor, but I'd like to learn. How can I change?




Wow. You waited this long to write? You are also a little slow. And boring? I do not necessarily view this as a problem. At least not for me. You are doing a favor for the rest of us by making us all seem fascinating in comparison to you. Thanks.

As far as strangers go- is there ever a real need to get deep into a discussion with one? Most people are taught not to talk to strangers. Your mother may have had an ulterior agenda if she encouraged you to strike up conversations with them.

But, hey! Look on the bright side. Anyone can turn into a "Fun person". All it takes is a year or so of watching stand up comics. If that doesn't work, get on a bowling team and try drinking. These are both group activities during which others will be forced to talk to you for at least 2 hours a week. When you drop a bowling ball on your foot, you will get expression in your voice like you wouldn't believe. Trust me.




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