Dear Crabby,

I have an embarrassing problem that I was wondering if you could help me out with. My daughter is 26 years old. She is a very beautiful young woman but she belches all the time. It doesn't seem to bother her but I think it may be why she doesn't have a boyfriend. What would you suggest we do? We would like to see her get married and move out of our house.

Sign me,
MOTHER OF BELCHING OLD MAID

Dear Mother of BOM,

She sounds like a pig. Actually, she sounds like my sister. But if she is truly beautiful enough, men don't care. Take away her beer. This should help. In proper social situations, you can avoid introducing her as your daughter, as her behavior will go over like a fart in church. The last and perhaps most important three words I can say to you is: Internet Dating Service. Good luck mom; at 26, it sounds like she's dug her heels in and plans to stay awhile...

Dear Crabby,

How do you know everything? My mom thinks you are funny; but I think you sound mean. I don't think you know as much as you act like you do. I'm almost twelve, and I know some better answers than you.

JASON

Dear Jason,

How do I know? How do I know? Ever hear of the Titanic? Well, I was on it. I'm old. That's how I know, you little pea-brained whippersnapper. Shouldn't you be off killing something on your X-Box? Look here Sparky, when you can kick butt at Jeopardy, you can question me (and your mom's good taste). Meanwhile, get off the Internet before I call your parents and tell them you've been making crank calls while they're at work.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

Post a Comment         View Comments
Submit an Opinion - Letter