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Dear Crabby
by Mrs. Crabcakes - Ketchikan, Alaska
Monday - June 21, 2004

This column is strictly for entertainment purposes only and
is not intended to be taken to heart as serious advice.



I have a 37 year old son that worries me. "Tom" is extremely introverted and has been fired from numerous jobs. He's been cited for being non-responsive (he works with computers and seems to be somewhat anti-social), not passing employment personality profiles, and once even for insubordination (Tom is a perfectionist and refused to turn in a project until he'd re-written the code again).

When his father passed away 8 years ago, he moved back into my home. He rarely goes out, except to his monthly Star Trek Fan Club meetings. Tom doesn't help around the house, is defensive and secretive, and the additional financial burden is putting a real strain on my bank account. I was hoping to retire this year, and now it looks doubtful.

Tom refuses all suggestions to seek a job or counseling. He is content to stay home and do nothing while I work. His actions are odd and erratic, and I'm not sure what to do about him. My two daughters (both married) are also concerned.

I am running out of ideas to motivate him. Any suggestions?





Listen carefully: Get out of the house now. Go to your nearest post office and look through the wanted posters. In the event you find Tom in one of them, use the reward money to move away. Far away. Barring the above, wait until he's at his "Star Trek Meeting", and rifle through his chemistry set. Read his manifesto, his computer, and his journal. You'll also want to look in his closet and your garage. Enlist your daughters and their husbands' help. Then call the FBI. Ted, I mean Tom, is mental.



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