by Mrs. Crabcakes - Ketchikan, Alaska
Tuesday - April 27, 2004
is not intended to be taken to heart as serious advice.
I've been withering in an unhappy marriage for 17 years. Four years ago, I met a passionate man. He is incredible, thoughtful, wonderful in every way. He is also married. After three years of an enchanted, fairy-tale, but very secret affair, his wife found out. I had hoped that he would finally be set free to marry me and we could move on with our lives together. Instead, he cut it off and they decided to 'work it out'. He always said he'd die if I left him, and now, just because she forgave him, he's willing to throw away everything we have together. His decision makes no sense to me, and I refuse to believe it. I decided I'm not giving up. I'm not sure what else to do to get him away from her, though. Can you help?
REELING IN PAIN
Were you an embryo when you got married? There is a song I like that I used to think was romantic. After reading your letter, it just seems creepy, but then so are you. "Just My Imagination", by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles.
You said you don't understand his decision. Maybe you can go over and have a serious 'heart to heart' with his wife, and she can help you make sense of it. Maybe she can even knock some sense into you.
There's an ongoing issue in our house that needs to be resolved. My husband thinks the minute he sits down to eat, he is in the library. He'll read cereal boxes, newspapers, magazines, anything within reach. He ignores me when I tell him how rude he's being. Rather than have a regular conversation over a meal, he gives us running commentary on everything he reads. I find this very annoying. We have young children that could use a good example at the table, and while I struggle alone to teach them manners, we listen to my husband report on the latest mail in offers from General Mills.
Our marriage would be perfect otherwise, and sometimes I feel guilty for complaining. If he could understand that mealtime is supposed to be for the whole family to visit and catch up on each others' lives, it will help out many people (I have friends that have the same problem). He reads your column faithfully (Yes, to all of us, and at the table).
READS IN THE OTHER ROOM
This one is easy. Go buy and have him read children's books at the table about Table Manners. Not only will the children learn to read at a young age, but if you buy enough books and cook the right meal, you can buy yourself enough time to sneak off and go to a movie....
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