DEAR CRABBY,

I have a cousin, "Nellie" that I have always been very close to. She moved back east a few years ago, and we keep in touch several times a week by e-mail. She is my favorite relative, and I love her like a sister.

The problem is she recently won a big lottery back there, and now everyone wants to be her "best friend". All of my family and her husband's family are trying to get close to her, and some have come up with business ideas she should do with them. She is fed up and told me that they are talking about moving to California or Palm Beach, Florida to a gated community so she won't be visited by everyone that wants something from her. I can tell in her tone that she is even suspicious of me. I haven't changed, Crabby, she has. I feel like I'm losing my best friend. Help!

NOT AFTER THE MONEY

DEAR NOT AFTER,

I can understand your feelings. But you must know, the minute people come into large amounts of money, they are besieged by offers- and not just by relatives that want a piece of the 'pie'. There are tax attorneys, financial advisors, investment bankers, portfolio managers and more, all thinking they can help, and all thinking they can make a little money in the process. Your cousin has no doubt felt this pressure. Try to understand and be patient.

Let me tell you a little story- about a man named Jed. A poor mountaineer, barely kept his family fed. Then one day he was shootin' at some food, and up from the ground come a bubblin' crude. Oil, that is, Black Gold, Texas Tea. Well, the first thing you know, Ol' Jed's a millionaire; his kin folks said, "Jed, Move away from there! ...Said "California's the place you oughta be!" So he loaded up his truck and-a moved to Bever-ly...Hills that is. Swimmin' Pools, Movie Stars. The Beverly Hillbillies. Who knew?

DEAR READERS,

I've received letters referring to the "House Rules" that have circulated for years now, and have been asked to update them to reflect these changing times. For your benefit, I'll also inject a little of my own perspective.

The Original 'House Rules' 1. If you open it, close it. 2. If you turn it on, turn it off. 3. If you unlock it, lock it. 4. If you break it, repair it. 5. If you can't fix it, call in some-one who can. 6. If you borrow it, return it. 7. If you use it, take care of it. 8. If you make a mess, clean it up. 9. If you move it, put it back. 10. If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, first ask their permission. 11. If you don't know how to operate it, leave it alone. 12. If it doesn't concern you, don't mess with it.

Crabby's 'House Rules' 1. If you open it, tape it back up so no one can tell. 2. If you turn it on, make sure it isn't married before proceeding. 3. If you lock it, make sure you don't leave the keys in it. 4. If you break it, deny, deny, deny. 5. If you can't fix it, hide it. 6. If you borrow it, remember possession is 9/10 of the law. 7. If you use it, run all your errands before returning it, as bus passes and gasoline is expensive these days. 8. If you make a mess, blame it on a dog or small child. 9. If you move it, move everything else the same amount, so as not to be noticed. 10. If it belongs to someone else and you want to use it, ask them while they're on the phone or sleeping. 11. If you don't know how to operate it, learn another language then read the manual again. 12. If it doesn't concern you, find out why not then get involved surreptitiously.

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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