DEAR CRABBY,

Please tell me it isn't only me that feels this way. I am sick of seeing bra straps and boxer shorts sticking out from underneath people's clothing. I don't think it's fashionable or attractive- just the opposite, in fact.

I realize the style started in the eighties with Madonna showing the multi-layers of bras, tank tops and bustiers, but the eighties are over, so why are people still doing this? No one wears curlers in public anymore, so why now the pajama bottoms and under garments? I think it's disgusting. Do you or your readers have any opinions?

TURNED OFF AFTER SEEING TOO- MUCH

DEAR TOAST-M,

Of course I have some opinions! Mad TV is better than Saturday Night Live. Michael Jackson, Martha Stewart and Rush Limbaugh are all guilty. Professional Athletes are WAY overpaid. There is no excuse to smoke anymore (100 added chemicals including cyanide and formaldehyde? We didn't know that back in the day). There are too many different versions of Monopoly out there. They call them coffee table books, not because they belong on the coffee table, but because someone wanted to make more money by publishing a book that won't fit on the bookshelf, therefore forcing you to display it, garnering added attention. Drivers who don't use their turn signals should be pulled over and slapped. All we want is to know what you are going to do, so we know what we can do (like change lanes). People who talk on their cell phones during a movie should have their Coke and Popcorn confiscated and made to leave the theater while we laugh at them.

OH! You mean my opinion about public underwear! Yes! I agree! The days of outside garters, lacy tank tops and tutu's are over. And don't forget thongs. When I was a kid, we called them wedgies. A thong was something you wore on your feet in summertime that really stung if you slapped your brother with it. I'm just saying, if I want to know what kind of underwear someone's wearing, they don't need to show me. I'll put on some shoe mirrors or follow them around the intimates department at Walmart. Readers?

DEAR CRABBY,

OK, I have this little problem and it's making me paranoid. The night before last, some guy in his 20's (I guess) followed my sister all the way home (we live 5 1/2 miles away from town), in a scary and strange manner from a little neighborhood in she goes to a lot. But as he followed her, he would speed up and get real close to her and then slow back down to slack off, he would be swerving from side to side like he was gonna pass or pull over but doesn't. Also, he kept his headlights off most of the time but off and on like he was sending signals. He would just have the top little red lights on (he was driving a roll-back truck). But my when sister turned to go down the dirt road that we live on, he kept on going. My sister thinks it could be my ex-boyfriend Mitch, Mitch's brother, one of her boyfriend's friends, or Mitch's father. Mitch is 22 years old and I'm 17. He also has problems, issues, and he isn't right in the head or doesn't act right. Mitch's father really likes me and calls me Sweetheart and Baby.

What do you think that guy was doing? Because what he was doing was pretty freaky and scary. It scared my sister half to death. Thank you!

GEORGIA B.

DEAR GEORGIA,

Perfect example of why you are not legally allowed to run your own life until you are 18. What were you thinking, having a 22-year-old man for a "boy" friend? Speaking of which, has anyone seen Mitch's mom in a while-- and Where are your parents?

It sounds like he comes from a family of idiots. Or drunks. It's weird for his father to refer to you as 'Sweetheart' and 'Baby', and you know it, or you wouldn't have mentioned it and suspect him of following your sister. Do psychotic tendencies run in his family? Does any of the following describe him or his 'kin'?: Lights on, nobody's home... Elevator doesn't go to the top floor. A few sandwiches short of a picnic. Big circus, but the Ferris wheel's broken. A few nuggets short of a happy meal. Tossed salad with the croutons missing. Like a big pizza, but there's no pepperoni. A Beer Fest with no bathrooms. A few beans short of a burrito. Kinda like the big carton without the TV set. 40 minutes short of a full length feature. Windows ME. OK, that one's mine.

If your sister's boyfriend has friends that inspire that kind of fear in her, then she needs to dump him too. I mean, what does that say for him? And, does your sister know where the police station is? If it wasn't one of those loonies behind her, she just showed another goober nutcase where you all live! Now you have to get a big dog...

You're right; you have no idea what was going through that guy's mind. For all you know, Stephen King doesn't know what was going through that guy's mind. So best to play it safe. Identify the truck, (Does everyone in your town own a truck with red running lights?) and pay a visit to the guy with a police officer. Try not to get in his little inbred face, and keep a camera in the car with you. You might also consider moving. Far away. PS Have you looked at the State sex-offenders registry website for Mitch and his dad?

crabcakes@sitnews.org

 

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