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Confidentially Yours

Don't keep guy hanging ... Great expectations
by Jewel Kats and Dave Silverberg
Young People's Press


January 05, 2005

Dear Jewel:

I got a new boyfriend last week. But he keeps following me, and then stops when he sees me. My mom says I'm weird because most girls want their boyfriends to hang on their every word, but I don't like it at all. What should I do? - JUST WANNA HAVE FUN

jpg David Silverburg and Jewel Kats

David Silverburg and Jewel Kats at Young People's Press answer questions from young readers concerning love, drugs, sex, parents and other teen issues, with the oversight of a psychologist.
Photo courtesy The Young People's Press

Dear J.W.H.F.:

Learn to communicate your needs.

You are in the process of getting to know each other right now. He may equate trailing you with flattery. Whereas you feel like Inspector Cling is following you.

It's time to clear the air.

Don't rush out to speak to him just yet. You have some pondering to do. It's time to question if you're ready to share your space with this guy - or anyone else, for that matter.

Think about it. You've only been in this relationship for a week. And you already feel like your turf is being invaded. So far, you've been defending your independence. Not trying to build a bond.

Don't get me wrong. It's perfectly permissible to have a life outside your relationship. After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. But that doesn't mean you should avoid your partner altogether.

It sounds like you're not interested in your beau's company. Nor does it appear that you're interested in merging your life with his.

My advice: It's not fair to keep this guy hanging. Set him free to hang on the words of a girl who cares.


Dear Dave:

I'm one of those guys who believe in finding one person in my life who will make me happy forever. I know it sounds cheesy, but why can't that happen? I don't like to compromise with relationships - I want 100 percent of what I desire in a woman. Do you think I'm unreasonable? It's been tough for me to find a girlfriend because my standards are so high. I don't think I should lower them, though, because I want a girl who is my perfect match. - LOVER OF TRUE LOVE

Dear L.O.T.L.:

Oh, those high expectations. How they undo us in the end! L.O.T.L., I urge you to reconsider your antiquated notions of that perfect-girlfriend ideal. Get realistic.

The world is full of great girls, and to ignore some of them because they don't fit all the exact characteristics is sad. With that kind of approach, you'll be lonely for a long time.

Relationships revolve around compromise. Take my last girlfriend; she loved fashion and talked about skirts as if I cared. But I stayed interested and learned that compromising my own needs to be a good listener was important to our relationship.

So if your "dream girl" doesn't come strolling into your heart, realize there are incredibly wonderful girls you're ignoring. In my opinion, that's closed-minded.

To get rid of these unreasonable ideas, I suggest you go out on some dates and compromise on a few ideals. For instance, so what if she's not tall or elegant or wealthy?

Find the few characteristics you MUST have in a girl and focus on those. In the end, I think you'll find a girl who will make you happy, even if she isn't perfect.

Good luck!

Got a hot question for our cool columnists?
E-mail Jewel or Dave at writeus(at)
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Distributed by Scripps Howard News Service,


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