By STEVE BREWER
Scripps Howard News Service
January 04, 2006
I know you've heard this sort of thing before. We're all deluged by advertisements touting the latest diet fads and spouting incredible results that only the most gullible and desperate dieters would ever believe. But my diet plan is different because it REALLY WORKS!
In only one week, with virtually no exercise, you can drop a few unwanted pounds and get back into those jeans that have been just a little too tight for the past six months. You can look trimmer and feel better about yourself. You can amaze your friends and family.
I'm a perfect example of how this new diet plan works. In only one week, I lost 5 whole pounds. I had to cinch up my favorite belt by an entire hole! And, so far, I've kept it off!
How did I do it? I caught my first cold of the winter. After a week of misery, I got on the scales to find the pounds had magically disappeared.
That's right, friends. Without even trying, without breaking a sweat (other than those feverish, sheet-soaking night sweats), I dropped some of the excess weight that had been plaguing me for months. Now, whole new worlds (as well as whole sections of my existing wardrobe) have opened up to me. I feel like a new, if slightly weaker, man!
My amazing new Winter Cold Diet is so simple you won't even believe it. It's easy! All you do is catch a passing virus. Then, for the next 7 to 10 days, you'll find you have no appetite at all. Even your favorite foods will hold no appeal for you. You'll find everything, even sinfully rich chocolate and fattening holiday sweets, tastes like cardboard.
The Winter Cold Diet can be pursued in the privacy of your own home. No embarrassing weigh-ins in front of other dieters. No puffing at the gym in front of svelte young weightlifters who sneer at your decrepitude. In fact, you can do it without leaving your bed!
With the Winter Cold Diet there are no special foods or drinks to purchase. All you'll want is water and lots of it. Maybe some chicken soup. And lots of over-the-counter cold remedies to dry out your runny nose, calm your coughing fits and help you sleep around the clock.
Best of all, the Winter Cold Diet is absolutely free! Nothing to buy now, nothing to buy later. No salesman will call.
You can pick up the Winter Cold Diet virus most everywhere at no charge. There's plenty to go around. Co-workers will willingly share it with you. Perfect strangers in public places will gladly sneeze some of the virus right over to you. Heck, your children have probably brought the virus home from school. It's likely in their rooms right now!
Granted, the Winter Cold Diet does have certain side effects. During the diet, you'll feel really rotten - headaches, dehydration, body aches, congestion, sore throat, coughing, etc. You'll go through a lot of Kleenex. All your hacking and spewing will disgust your loved ones. You won't accomplish anything, except excessive sleeping, and you'll likely miss work.
But, hey, as any of us fatties will be quick to tell you, that all seems a small price to pay to LOSE 5 POUNDS! In a WEEK! Whoo-hoo!
Try the amazing Winter Cold Diet today! Pick up a virus!
As if you have any choice.
Contact him at ABQBrewer(at)aol.com