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Fish Or Cut Bait

I Do Not Feel Guilty
by Bob Ciminel

March 31, 2005

Okay, I'll admit it. I drive one of those gas-guzzling SUVs. I don't carpool either. Add that to the fact that I work in the commercial nuclear industry, and I feel certain my name is not on the Greenpeace or the Sierra Club mailing lists. Even National Geographic has stopped sending me invitations to join their Society. The SUV gets 21 miles to the gallon and sits in a parking lot all day. I think that qualifies as helping to reduce our reliance on foreign oil. I imagine the people driving Hummers and Ford Excursions think they are helping if they switch from 89-octane to 87-octane gasoline.

jpg cats

"Future Snake Killers, Among Other Things"
Photo by Bob Ciminel

Soon, I am going to cut down two trees in my yard and will not recycle the wood. Instead, I'm going to burn it and add to the already considerable amount of air pollution in Metro Atlanta. It will be okay. The weather has warmed considerably, so people aren't smoking up the neighborhood with their wood-burning fireplaces. I never did because mine uses gas logs. Besides, pine pollen soon will be at maximum levels and allergy sufferers won't even notice the effects of my wood smoke. When it's springtime in Atlanta, we measure pollen in pounds per cubic meter of air, not particles.

Last week, I killed a baby snake on my sidewalk. I think it was a Copperhead, but I never got close enough to look for the pit between its nostrils. After killing the snake, I brought both of my cats over to look at it. I explained to them that one of their jobs, besides eating and sleeping all day, was to ensure there were no snakes in the yard. Then I brought the dog over and told her to make sure the cats did their job. They all acknowledged me in their own unique way, and then the cats went inside, ate a little food, and settled down for a nap. The dog went in and lay down next to the cats, spread-eagled on her back. I don't think any of them took me seriously, except the snake.

At least I recycle my grass clipping instead of sending them to the landfill. That's being environmentally proactive, isn't it? Do the copious quantities of weed killer and fertilizer I apply to my yard all year negate the positive effects of recycling grass clippings? I don't know. I do know my neighbor won't let his kid cut my grass if he sees that ChemLawn sprayed my yard. I think they are a bit overprotective. The poor kid is afraid of fire ants and spiders too. I'm not going to tell him about the baby Copperhead.


Bob Ciminel's articles may include satire and parody, and mix fact with fiction.
He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.

Bob Ciminel lives in Roswell, Georgia, and works for the Institute of Nuclear Power Operations.  Bob is also a conductor on the Blue Ridge Scenic Railway.


Bob Ciminel ©2001 - 2005
All Rights Reserved

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