SitNews - Stories in the News - Ketchikan, Alaska


Fish of Cut Bait

Things We Learn From Movies
By Bob Ciminel


January 12, 2006

I was cleaning out my email files today after receiving one of those "Your mailbox is full" messages and came across one I received back in 1998. Yes, I have files that are seven years old, and, no, I don't know why I keep them. Anyway, given the bad news I've had to deal with last month, I thought I'd share some humor with you. I don't know who to attribute these to, but whoever he or she is, we share the same wit.

  • Every police investigation requires at least one visit to a strip club.
  • All beds have specially designed L-shaped sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
  • Anyone can land a plane as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk them down.
  • A man can take a ferocious beating with no evidence of pain, but always winces when a woman cleans even the smallest cut.
  • Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to jerk the steering wheel from left to right every few moments.
  • At least one identical twin must be born evil.
  • Detectives can only solve cases after they've been suspended.
  • If you start spontaneously dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all of the steps.
  • If you ever need to defuse an explosive device, don't worry about which wire to cut; you will always choose the correct one.
  • If you are outnumbered in a martial arts fight, don't worry, your opponents will only attack you one at a time.
  • When you turn out the lights in your bedroom, everything remains visible, but with a slightly bluish tint.
  • When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to one another.
  • If you are blonde and pretty, you can become a world-renowned expert in nuclear fusion by age 22.
  • All honest, hard-working policemen are gunned down three days before retirement.



Bob Ciminel's articles may include satire and parody, and mix fact with fiction.
He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.

Bob lives in Roswell, Georgia, and works for the Institute of Nuclear Power Operations.  He is also a conductor on the Blue Ridge Scenic Railway.


Bob Ciminel ©2001 - 2005
All Rights Reserved

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Ketchikan, Alaska