Fish of Cut Bait
Things We Learn From Movies
By Bob Ciminel
January 12, 2006
I was cleaning out my email files today after receiving one of
those "Your mailbox is full" messages and came across
one I received back in 1998. Yes, I have files that are seven
years old, and, no, I don't know why I keep them. Anyway, given
the bad news I've had to deal with last month, I thought I'd
share some humor with you. I don't know who to attribute these
to, but whoever he or she is, we share the same wit.
- Every police investigation
requires at least one visit to a strip club.
- All beds have specially designed
L-shaped sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman, but
only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- Anyone can land a plane as
long as there is someone in the control tower to talk them down.
- A man can take a ferocious
beating with no evidence of pain, but always winces when a woman
cleans even the smallest cut.
- Even when driving down a perfectly
straight road, it is necessary to jerk the steering wheel from
left to right every few moments.
- At least one identical twin
must be born evil.
- Detectives can only solve
cases after they've been suspended.
- If you start spontaneously
dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all of the
- If you ever need to defuse
an explosive device, don't worry about which wire to cut; you
will always choose the correct one.
- If you are outnumbered in
a martial arts fight, don't worry, your opponents will only attack
you one at a time.
- When you turn out the lights
in your bedroom, everything remains visible, but with a slightly
- When alone, all foreigners
prefer to speak English to one another.
- If you are blonde and pretty,
you can become a world-renowned expert in nuclear fusion by age
- All honest, hard-working policemen
are gunned down three days before retirement.
articles may include satire and parody, and mix fact
He assumes informed readers will be able to tell the difference.
Bob lives in Roswell,
Georgia, and works for the Institute of Nuclear Power
Operations. He is also a conductor on the Blue
Ridge Scenic Railway.
Bob Ciminel ©2001
All Rights Reserved
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