January 12, 2006
Thursday

I was cleaning out my email files today after receiving one of those "Your mailbox is full" messages and came across one I received back in 1998. Yes, I have files that are seven years old, and, no, I don't know why I keep them. Anyway, given the bad news I've had to deal with last month, I thought I'd share some humor with you. I don't know who to attribute these to, but whoever he or she is, we share the same wit.

• Every police investigation requires at least one visit to a strip club.
• All beds have specially designed L-shaped sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
• Anyone can land a plane as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk them down.
• A man can take a ferocious beating with no evidence of pain, but always winces when a woman cleans even the smallest cut.
• Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to jerk the steering wheel from left to right every few moments.
• At least one identical twin must be born evil.
• Detectives can only solve cases after they've been suspended.
• If you start spontaneously dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all of the steps.
• If you ever need to defuse an explosive device, don't worry about which wire to cut; you will always choose the correct one.
• If you are outnumbered in a martial arts fight, don't worry, your opponents will only attack you one at a time.
• When you turn out the lights in your bedroom, everything remains visible, but with a slightly bluish tint.
• When alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to one another.
• If you are blonde and pretty, you can become a world-renowned expert in nuclear fusion by age 22.
• All honest, hard-working policemen are gunned down three days before retirement.

Bob lives in Roswell, Georgia, and works for the Institute of Nuclear Power Operations.  He is also a conductor on the Blue Ridge Scenic Railway.


ciminel@sitnews.us

 

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