December 31, 2018
Monday PM

Being an avid reader of SitNews and Wikipedia, it dawned on me the solution to an ongoing problem with your (and in my heart) fair land: The name of the Borough. As you will see, a simple name change can produce positive effects unforeseen upon initial perusal. I say we change the name to “Edgar Rice Borough”. Before the naysayers declare me an iconoclast and ridiculous, note some of the manifold benefits:

1) This will ditch the Russian spy vibe. Many were perfectly happy with Gateway Borough, however someone had to ruin everything. By adding Ketchikan to Gateway Borough, undercurrents of discord were sown. On top of that, the similarities of the addresses of the City of Ketchikan (334 Front St.) and the Borough (344 Front St.) created a nightmare for the office staff, ruining everything again! (This is the real reason the Borough now resides at the old White Cliff school). Although the effects of the name “KGB” have never been fully investigated, I imagine the financial loss to tourism over the last four decades has been more than chump change.

2) This will infuse life to the tourist industry. Rumors of sightings of great apes and feral children will spread like wildfire. This will be a welcome addition to the fledgling Sasquatch tourism industry, enhancing and complementing each other. Imagine yourself on a Tarzan or Sasquatch tour: First you are warmly greeted at the docks by a handsome young man with a beard and spirited off in a jeep to your pretour orientation at the old fire station. As you sample the red cedar berry gin, you are given details about past sightings and the need for caution and stealth while on the tour. Personal experiences are welcomed and encouraged as you head to promising territory. Actual sightings are not critical to the success of the tour, just generous samples and an engaging tour guide. You return to board the ship delighted with the best tour ever.

3) As with the famous author, factual inconsistencies will not be a wet blanket on other tours as well. People will realize the facts are not nearly as important as a good story, silencing the negative comments of those trying to resolve their own knowledge with the “expertise” of the tour guides throughout the area.

Best regards,

Bob Hays
Washington, NC

Editor's Note:

The text of this letter was NOT edited by the SitNews Editor.

Received December 28, 2018 - Published December 31, 2018

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