By Marshall Kelly
July 04, 2007
Many families bring small children to dine out with them. These children become unhappy and begin to squawk, sometimes for the entire duration of the family's meal. This creates an unwanted atmosphere for me and my "well behaved" family during our outing and causes stress. Stress leads to ulcers, ulcers to intestinal discomfort, intestinal discomfort to gastrointestinal infections and eventually death. I do not think a campaign to remove squawking babies from restaurants would be successful merely because I stand a good chance of eventually dying from "squawking-baby-induced-gastrointestinal-erosion", so I will suck it up, eat my Tums and don my earplugs.
Windows are frequently installed in most restaurants. Harmful ultraviolet rays travel through these windows and bathe the patrons in the warm sun while seated at thier favorite diner. These UV rays have been proven to cause, you guessed it, CANCER! This usually only occurs at window seats while in the direct sunlight but the risk is there, nonetheless. Most diners choose the window seats, bravely place their orders, and seldom wear sunblock. The window seats are usually "non-smoking" thus balancing the risk of cancer evenly throughout the establishment.
One has only to check the ingredients of the menu items to become alarmed at the amount of cholesterol, fat, sugar, calories,and carcinogens one's favorite dish may include. Germs in the cleanest of kitchens still loom in and around all the food prepared for our consumption, no matter the presentation or the price of the dish. I won't even start on the lavatory segment of this diatribe. We all hurl ourselves into this situation with the faith the laws and legislation that were passed are fully understood by the 19 year old server that just got over the flu.... kind of.
Citizens in many states favored
bans of smoking in all public venues. We still could ban smoking
in Alaska, but I'm bringing my "squawking baby" legislation
to the ballot at the same time. These are rights given to everyone
in this country and many have fought to the bitter end to protect
them for better or for worse. Smoking is a dangerous addiction
that is an archaic pastime and does do many bad things to many
people. For over two hundred years people have been dying in
this country because of smoking. Since the dawn of time people
have been dying for opinions, usually opinions of others, and
they never even got to choose what section they wanted to sit
Received July 03, 2007 - Published July 04, 2007
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