1. I was so poor growing up....if
I wasn't a boy.... I'd have had nothing to play with.
2. A girl phone me the other
day and said "Come on over; nobody's home." I went
over. Nobody was home.
3.One day I came home early
from work...I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, 'hey
buddy, why are you doing that?" He said " Because
you came home early."
4. It's been a rough day.
I got up this morning...put a shirt on and a button fell off.
I picked up my briefcase, and handle came off. I'm afraid to
go to the bathroom.
5. I was such an ugly kid...When
I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
6. I could tell my parents
hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
7. I'm so ugly...My father
carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
8. When I was born, the doctor
came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry.
We did everything we could, but he pulled through.
9. I'm so ugly... My mother
had morning sickness... AFTER I was born.
10. I remember the time that
I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father.
He said he wanted more proof.
11. Once when I was lost, I
saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I
said to him, "Do you think we'll find them?" He said,
"I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
12. I went to the doctor because
I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me
to have few drinks and get some rest.
13. With my old man I got no
respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?"
He told me to run off a cliff.