by Ken Lewis
January 05, 2005
Managing our state with 4 time zones was such a hassle for people in an office some where. Just imagine how difficult it must have been for an Administrative Assistant sending an Email to 4 time zones in this State. This office choir took priority over physical South East evening activities. Let's forget the fact that good science, curvature of the earth, longitudinal lines and a formula was used to determine time zones in the first place. Forget the fact this formula was designed to provide healthy day light to regional communities. But just like Galileo telling the Pope the Sun was the center of the universe based on science, the Pope gave Galileo an option, burn at the stake or proclaim your self wrong. For the next 200 years Earthlings thought his mortal Highness was the center of the universe. Alaska's hierarchy did not threaten to burn anyone at the stake but they did denounce good science in 1983 as if it were Paganism. You see, when science gets in the way of politics, politicians become mad His-Highness Scientists. We have really advanced in the last 500 years in this area of ego led science deprival.
Alaska's bragging rights of being the largest State in the Union is in great part due to the fact; the most eastern part of the state is 2500 miles from the most western part. The sun moves from East to West. The famous song should be "West to Alaska" for accuracy sake. Savanna Georgia is 2500 miles from Santa Barbara. Georgia is on the Atlantic Ocean and Santa Barbara is on the Pacific Ocean. A sound scientific formula that worked around the entire globe for telling time, ceased to be good enough for Lord-Like Alaska Politicians in 1983. 4 time zones were turned into 2. In a couple of years, South East Alaska will have their own bragging rights. We can say we have thrown away after school and evening solar light, the equivalent of a high noon Sun for one whole year. The loss of evening activity to South East Alaska means little to anyone west of Yakutat other than June Allen. And, New Yorkers do not know your kids name, heck I doubt any Alaska legislators know your kid's name. This in turn, means only south east AK can review this decision, and decide if trading your kids/families quality time, was worth pleasing the hierarchy of science denouncers, west of us.
Of course some arrogant narrow mentality will say, use the early morning light. To that intellectual I would say, why don't you go join a 4am bowling league? Please take time to sing with me some of my favorite mantras . The children will suffer - in the dark, it takes a village - to turn off the lights, No child left behind - the school bus without reflective tape. And if you can visualize Yoko Ono singing these lyrics with out getting an upset tummy you are ready for a South East revolution. The fact, that Metlakatla resisted changing their clocks for his Highness tells me two things, they did not burn at the stake and they are into raising Earthlings not administrative Sheep.
Here is a mind twister for those capable of viewing things from an angle well guarded by the King's men. Warning; you are about to enter Ken's pondering grey matter; There is a big hoopla over separating God and public school. But, we make Public School children obey a clock that has been altered by denouncers of Science (who act like the God of our AK Sun). Do not think about that in depth? Or, we will have to quit teaching science in public schools soon. Or is that what they mean by Political Science? If science does not apply in this part of Alaska why teach it. Daddy, why is the sky blue? Oh son, that's not the sky you little knuckle head, that is acoustic ceiling tiles we painted blue. But gosh Dad, I thought we were outdoors? No Son we went to Eastern Standard Time, so we built you this cool indoor 4 wheeler track. Can we go to the Library Pop, cuz I need to brush up on splitting the atom? This kid will form a committee and proclaim apples should jump back up in the tree! Proving Galileo did not know squat about gravity either.
But jeepers Ken, there is nothing we can do? Oh yes there is, let's all start dressing like Quazi Moto the bell ringer (who knew when to ring his bell) and dump hot oil on anyone trying to steal his appealing Gypsy woman. Holey crud, she was a Hot-T. Kind of like, June is to a South East Alaska, which once, had a big Gold Nugget in its late sky.
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